Fun_People Archive
12 Apr
NETSCAPE VS. MICROSOFT

Date: Fri, 12 Apr 96 18:17:28 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: NETSCAPE VS. MICROSOFT

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
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Newsgroups: misc.invest.stocks

Subject: Re: NETSCAPE VS. MICROSOFT

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From: Bill Gates <billg@microsoft.com>
Wednesday, Feb. 21
Subject: Last night

Doc, I had the weirdest dream last night. Marc Andreessen and Steve
Case were at the opera, sitting in a private box and drinking
champagne. On the stage a bunch of fat men and women dressed in
helmets were jumping around and singing in German.

I was in the box next to them, but I couldn't hear what they were
saying. I tried to lean over the edge of the box, but suddenly, I lost
my balance and fell into the audience below. The singing stopped, and
everyone started laughing at me. Then one of the fat German women
stuck me with a spear.

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From: Dr. Todd Rosenbloom <sigmund@microsoft.com>
Wednesday, Feb. 21
Re: Last night

Very interesting. Who are these individuals? Do they represent any
kind of a threat to you?

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From: Bill Gates <billg@microsoft.com>
Wednesday, Feb. 21
Re: Last night

What, do you live under a rock? Andreessen is Netscape's chief
technical officer. Steve Case is the CEO of AOL.  Sure, there have
been some rumors that they're cooking up some kind of alliance, but I
don't think you could call it a threat. It's not like either of them
are making any kind of real profit, anyway. Just a lot of hype.

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From: Bill Gates <billg@microsoft.com>
Thursday, Feb. 22.
Subject: Even weirder

Doc, it happened again!. Only this time, Andreessen and Case weren't
out at the opera. They were at a picnic.

The sun was shining, birds were singing--you could even hear a brook
bubbling in the background. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but
they kept laughing and laughing.

Then, suddenly, a cloud blocked out the sun. And next thing you knew,
ants were everywhere. Big, hairy, ugly ants. Crawling over the turkey
sandwiches, drowning in the beer bottles. It was disgusting.

So they started stamping and stomping on the ants, and Marc pulled out
this big can of Raid and started spraying it. The whole time, he and
Steve were chanting "Death to Microsoft!" and giggling.

Then, as if a camera was zooming in, I could suddenly see the dead
corpses of the ants close up. Every one of them was wearing a pair of
glasses just like mine!

What does it mean?

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From: Dr. Todd Rosenbloom <sigmund@microsoft.com>
Thursday, Feb. 22
Re: Last night

Very interesting. Obviously, your subconscious is afraid of these two
individuals being alone together. The ants invading the happy picnic
represent your attempt to break them apart.

But you say that they don't represent a business threat. Something
else must be at issue. Hmmmm. The sexual imagery is striking -- that
can of Raid is as clear a phallic symbol as I've run across in some
time.  Perhaps you desire one of these men? How is your home life
these days?

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From: Bill Gates <billg@microsoft.com>
Thursday, Feb. 22
Re: Even weirder

What do you mean "desire"?! Are you saying I'm gay?!

And my home life is fine, thank you very much!

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From: Dr. Todd Rosenbloom <sigmund@microsoft.com>
Thursday, Feb. 22
Re: Even weirder

Please try to relax.  I'm just trying to help. Your aggression
suggests that you are suppressing something. Some kind of fear? Of
failure? Of inadequacy? How are sales of Windows 95 doing?

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From: Bill Gates <billg@microsoft.com>
Thursday, Feb. 22
Re: Even weirder

Well, I don't need that kind of help! I'm a happily married man--the
richest man (married or otherwise) in America, I might add--and I'm
not afraid of anybody. Anybody! Not Steve Case. Not Marc Andreessen.
Not the Feds. Hah! Look what I did to Apple. Look at IBM. At
WordPerfect. At Lotus. I crushed them! I crushed them all! And I'll
crush anybody else who tries to stop me.

And Windows 95 is doing fine, thank you very much.

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From: Dr. Todd Rosenbloom <sigmund@microsoft.com>
Thursday, Feb. 22
Re: Even weirder

You are suffering from a temporary neurosis--really understandable in
a man with your schedule. Nothing to worry about.

I'd like to talk to you about payment. From now on, instead of
Microsoft stock options, I'd prefer my normal fee of $165 per hour.

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From: Bill Gates <billg@microsoft.com>
Thursday, Feb. 22
Re: Even weirder

Forget it.

© 1996 Peter Langston