Fun_People Archive
20 Mar
NASA humor - Un-Tethered

Date: Wed, 20 Mar 96 16:57:43 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: NASA humor - Un-Tethered

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: good@pixar.com (Craig Good)
Forwarded-by: pratt@pixar.com (Jeff Pratt)

Note: this comes from a guy in the Control Systems Interaction & Tether
Dynamics Analysis section at JSC... [<estes@IAL7.jsc.nasa.gov>  -psl]

     Top65 NASA Excuses For Breaking Tether From Shuttle

Overwhelming desire to say: "Houston, we have a problem."
Forgot to tie a knot on the end of it.
Not enough duct tape due to budget cuts.
O.J with a space suit.
Calculations for string tension capability done by old Pentium Processor.
Shoestring Budgets.
Hal felt that the mission was in jeopardy....
Tether? What tether?
That damn kite string from K-Mart.
Another malfunction in the Holodeck computer.
Like all cheap yo-yos, the string broke as they tried "around the world."
"Made in Taiwan"
Crew watched 'Free Willy' the night before.
Figures, the warranty had just expired.
No Tom Hanks to save the day.
Needed Insurance Money, too long since last disaster.
Misdirected light rays focused by Hubble telescope mirror accidentally
melted tether.
To keep UFO's research funding.
Correction, Standby for Scheduled Tether Acquisition Event.
Dan Quayle is no longer there to look after things.
The tether cable was made with union labor (too many coffee breaks!)
The Real Killers are on board.
The Klingons attacked us!
I have no specific recollection of that incident. -- Hillary
Childhood trauma involving an umbilical cord
Houston: "ahhh..attention, crew...we DIDN'T say `SIMON SAYS!'
Didn't quite understand the "String Theory"
Forgot to pack the inanimate carbon rod.
"What do you mean excuses?  It was a uncalculated incident"
Engineers get really bored sometimes.
Shoulda used hemp!
Mikey did it.
Shuttle spool operator overcome by bout of SPACE MADNESS!
Isn't "breaking tether" a NASA euphemism for "breaking wind"
Spent too much on hookers, not enough on tether.
Needed a reason for another shuttle mission.
NASA had an urge to see what a man made probe looks like burning up!
Hey, those are the risks you take.  Bungie cords are DANGEROUS!
It was a failed conspiracy; the astronauts thought the budget-cutting NASA
administrator was at the other end.
Shouldn't have used silly string
The computer on the shuttle was playing Minesweeper and needs all resources!
I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I don't know what happened. Perhaps if you
uninstalled Windows 95 from my operating system, I would be able to be more
helpful.
uhh...supergirl flew past a window and we all forgot the mission
Ran out of shoelaces
The shop had run out so we had to substitute Skoda spare parts.
Junior astronaut insisted he play with the "yo-yo"
Clearly marked on box: "Microsoft Tether 1.0"
Hey, this tether isn't steel wire...it's angel hair pasta
Wacky aliens playing a joke
Parts Supplied by Lowest Bidder
Somebody left a Ginsu knife in the cargo bay.
It was chewed on by a space dog
Hey guys, check this out!  It keeps going and going...
The crew were distracted by looking for hidden candies within the Space
Shuttle instrument consoles.
The NASA crew suddenly developed an urgent need to behave like budgies and
parakeets.
Astronaut was space skiing off back of shuttle
The answer can be found at Area 51.

© 1996 Peter Langston