Fun_People Archive
7 Mar
1996 E-mail Tax Form...

Date: Thu, 7 Mar 96 18:05:12 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: 1996 E-mail Tax Form...

[If you're one of those wimps who reads mail with a proportional font
 (eeeeech!),  well,... sorry (sort of).  You really do need a fixed-pitch
 font for this one...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: "Jack D. Doyle" <doylej@PEAK.ORG>
Forwarded-by: dave_wolf@om.cv.hp.com
Forwarded-by: Lacy_Reed/HP-Corvallis_unix1

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f   1   000    4   000   Department of the Treasury -   1   999   999   666
o  11  0   0  44  0   0  Internal Revenue Service      11  9   9 9   9 6
r   1  0   0 4444 0   0  U U SSS                        1   9999  9999 6666
m   1  0   0   4  0   0  U U SSS Individual Income      1      9     9 6   6
   111  000    4   000   UUU SSS Tax Return            111  999   999   666
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For the year January 1 - December 31, 1995 or whenever you get around to it.
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please| FULL NAME | LAST NAME  | 2nd TO LAST INITIAL | Starch     |[]cuffs
print,|           |            |                     | []yes []no |[]no cuffs
type  |----------------------------------------------------------------------
or use| Present address of addressee (must be filled out by addresser or
hiero-| legal guardian of aforementioned (unless greater than line B above))
glyph-|
ics   |-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(no   | City, Town, Post Office, Shoe Size | Address greater than line 41? []y
Latin)|                                    | If yes, why? ________________ []n
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Height | Weight | Sex []yes | Occu-  Yours  _______ | Social Security Number
       |        |     []no  | pation Spouse _______ | Yours _|_|_ Spouse _|_|_
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             >   Do you wish to designate    []yes   | Isn't   | NOTE: if you
Presidential >>  $1 of your taxes to this    []no    | this a  | checked yes
Election     >>> worthy cause?               []maybe | dumb    | we will come
Campaign     >>  What about the little lady? []me too| law?    | and steal all
             >   The kids, dog, cat, fish?   []woof  | []y []n | your hubcaps.
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Requested >   A. How many talking chickens do you own? | D yes?   []no
by        >>  B. Names _______________________________ | E no?    []yes
the       >>> C. Do any of them play the oboe? []y []n | F maybe? []perhaps
Dept.     >>>>----------------------------------------------------------------
of        >>> Do you live within 2 miles | Have  you  rotated | If no file IRS
Agri-     >>  of a decent  pizza  place? | your tires lately? | tire rotation
culture   >   []yes []no []extra cheese  | []yes []no []flat  | Schedule L
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Filing  1 []Single  2 []Double  3 []Triple  4 []Sacrifice Fly  | for IRS use
Status  5 [] Married Filing Singly Joint return                |  O |   | X
          (even if spouse is married separately)               | ---|---|---
        6 [] Joint married singly separate spouse              |    | X |
           (but filing double jointed)                         | ---|---|---
        7 [] Head of Household filing separate but joint       |  X | O | O
           return (if unmarried but jointly single)            --------------
        8 [] Head of joint filing single file spouses separately
        9 [] Widow(er) w/separate dependent filing out of joint return singly
       10 [] Deceased filing posthumous return
          (attach notarized Death Schedule D, signed by deceased)
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Exem-  41 a regular?                                    | Enter number of
ptions    b [] self   [] 65 or over  [] blind  [] dead  | boxes checked >__
            [] spouse [] 65 or over  [] blind  [] dead  |
          c Names of Dependent children who lived with  | Check number of
You         you ________________  Why? ______________   | boxes entered >__
are       d Just first names dummy.                     |
here      4 Do you weigh more than last year's tax form?| Enter number of
 |        e Number of parakeets subtracted from Gross   | checkered boxes__
 |          Rotated Income (plus line 27 - unless       |
\|/         greater than twelve miles)                  | Do nothing
 v        f How many inches in a liter? _____           | Here          >__
 *     11 a Total Confusion
            (add lines 6e and f,g; fold in eggs, beat until firm)------->__
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Income  12 Wages, Salaries, Tips, Extortion. (attach W2 forms to  |##|     | |
           your forehead with heavy duty staplegun) . . . . . . . |12|_____|_|
        13 Remunerations (if less than gross reimbursements then  |##|     | |
Please     file schedule Q (see page 14 of "Joy of Cooking")) . . |13|_____|_|
attach  14 Gross influx (see 40% of instructions) . . . . . . . . |14|_____|_|
payment 15 Money you made (if $400 or less, more or less, list    |##|     | |
(small     schedule B without not filling in Part II and R2, but  |##|     | |
unmarked   more than line 8). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |15|_____|_|
bills)  16 What about all that cash you stashed in that jar under |##|     | |
here.      the garage? (see page 7 of instructions) . . . . . . . |16|_____|_|
|          -------------------------------------------------------------------
|___    17 Add lines 12 through 16, multiply by 2,                |##|     | |
           this is your total income. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |17|_____|_|
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Taxes   18 Enter Grossly adjusted net average income (line 17). . |18|_____|_|
        19 Enter Total deductions (if greater than 0, enter 0). . |19|_____|_|
        20 Subtract line 19 from line 18. Taxable income. . . . . |20|_____|_|
        21 Figure Total Taxes using line 20 . . . . . . . . . . . |##|     | |
           [] Tax Table [] Tax Rate Schedule X,Y,or Z [] Guessed. |21|_____|_|
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Payment 23 Federal income tax withheld  . . . . . . . . . . . . . |23|_____|_|
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Amount  25 If line 23 is larger than 21, you made a mistake,      |##|     | |
You        re-figure your taxes.                                  |##|     | |
Owe     26 Subtract line 23 from line 21. . . . . . . . . . . . . |26|_____|_|
        27 Add the shirt off your back. . . . . . . . . . . . . . |27|_____|_|
        28 Send it in . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |28|_____|_|
        29 Pick a number between 1 and 10 . . . . . . . . . . . . |29|_____|_|
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Please >  Under penalty of death, I declare that every figure on this return
Sign   >> and accompanying schedules is correct to within 100% plus or minus.
Here   >  Signature __________________________ date __________ check here []
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