Fun_People Archive
13 Feb
Excerpt from Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot

Date: Tue, 13 Feb 96 18:03:24 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Excerpt from Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot

Forwarded-by: Lani Herrmann <lanih@info.sims.berkeley.edu>
Forwarded-by: jmichael@sas.upenn.edu
Forwarded-by: Lisa Ratmansky
Forwarded-by: Jonathan Ostrowsky
Forwarded-by: jo@odi.com
Forwarded-by: TomAqMar@aol.com
 

    RUSH LIMBAUGH IS A BIG FAT IDIOT & Other Observations, by Al Franken.
     Besides being true, this book is really, LOL funny.  

 

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------=
 BOOK REVIEW
 

 Look for Al Franken's side-splitting new book, "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat
 Idiot--and Other Observations" in the non-fiction section of your local
 bookstore.  Franken's book veers wildly from topic to topic, alternating
 between dry irony and heavy-handed sarcasm with often hilarious results.
 Here's an excerpt: the actual transcript of a call Franken's assistant,
 Geoff, made to Rush Limbaugh's underworked fact-checker, Waylon:
 

 GEOFF:  Hi, Waylon! Haven't heard from you in a while.
 

 WAYLON: Yeah, sorry about that.  I've been having a lot of trouble 

 checking my voice mail. I keep forgetting my access code.
 

 GEOFF: Have you tried using your birthday?
 

 WAYLON: You can't really do that on this system. It only takes numbers.
 

 GEOFF:  All-righty then...why don't I put Mr. Franken on.
 

 AL FRANKEN: Hi, Waylon! Megadittoes!
 

 WAYLON: What?
 

 AL: Never mind. Listen Waylon, we're preparing our annual report on the 

 environment here at Empower USA, and we just wanted to run a couple of 

 Rush's comments by you before we publish them as incontrovertible fact.
 

 WAYLON: I'm your man.
 

 AL: Okay, let's jump right in.  First of all, back in 1991, Rush claimed 

 that Styrofoam was biodegradable and paper wasn't.
 

 WAYLON: Right. I remember that.  That is...uh...that's totally  wrong.
 

 AL: Oh.
 

 WAYLON: Yeah, we caught a lot of flak for that one. 

 

 AL: Okay. How about this one?  In his book, "See, I Told You So," Rush 

 writes: "There are  more acres of forestland in America today than when 

 Columbus discovered the continent in 1492."
 

 WAYLON: Wait. Is that Chapter Fourteen?
 

 AL: Uh-huh.
 

 WAYLON: Yeah.  Here's the thing.  I didn't do Chapter Fourteen.  We had 

 a temp in that week, so I just farmed it out.
 

 AL: Really?
 

 WAYLON:  Yeah, good kid.  Didn't have a whole lot on the ball, though.  

 Just out of curiosity, are there more acres of forestland now than in 

 1492?
 

 AL: No. Turns out Rush was off by about a quarter of a billion acres.
 

 WAYLON: Wow! Don't tell the Sierra Club.
 

 AL: Don't worry.  Let me ask you a little something about global 

 warming.
 

 WAYLON: Doesn't exist.
 

 AL: Fair enough.  But in 1992 Rush said it wouldn't be a big deal if it 

 did exist because "Even if the polar ice caps melted, there would be no 

 rise in ocean levels...After all, if you have a glass of water with ice 

 cubes in it, as the ice melts, it simply turns to liquid and the water 

 level in the glass remains the same."
 

 WAYLON: Well, that's just common sense.
 

 AL: Except that most of the world's ice is on land.
 

 WAYLON: Hold it.  You lost me there.
 

 AL: Antarctica.  It's a continent, not an ice cube.
 

 WAYLON:  Your point?
 

 AL: If the ice cap melted, sea level around the world would rise about 

 two hundred feet.
 

 WAYLON: Holy cow! We'd all drown!
 

 AL: Calm down, Waylon.
 

 WAYLON: Calm down?! I've got a basement apartment!
 

 (Franken's book is now available at your better bookstores.  [It is] From
  Delacorte Press.)

© 1996 Peter Langston