Fun_People Archive
26 Jan
For Animal Lovers Who Can't Read...
Date: Fri, 26 Jan 96 00:39:19 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: For Animal Lovers Who Can't Read...
[Two classics - the first part of this is one kind of classic, and the second
part is another... -psl]
Forwarded-by: Brad Roter <broter@u.washington.edu>
Forwarded-by: HBLIEB@ccmail.monsanto.com
Newsgroups: alt.* net.* rec.*
Lines 46 ANIMAL LOVERS PLEASE READ 4 Responses
mr@umd.umich.edu Your Organization
ABOUT three weeks ago, four days before Christmas, I found what I
thought was a dead cat out on the road in front of farmhouse. The cat,
a small black tabby, was not moving and contorted in a weird position
(even for a cat!!!) Luckily, I heard a faint cry from the poor thing,
which immediately sent me to the house for a blanket and box.
THE cat had obviously been run over by a car. I immediately called the
Humane Society to arrange for treatment. After describing the extent of
the cat's injuries, the Humane Society could only prescribe one solution
-Euthanasia. Now, while I'm not a typical "Bunny Hugger," somehow I
could not bring myself to do this. What came next was a call to a
private vet, who would mend "Lucky's" broken hip and treat her internal
injuries.
LUCKY is now resting fine in our office, away from our two cats and two
dogs. The vet has prescribed strict cage rest for her (we think Lucky
is a she, but the vet can't quite tell, due to the fact that spreading
her legs is impossible with her broken hip). She was initally quite
anemic, but now clamors to exit the cage every time we replace her food
dish. By the vet's estimation, she is 6 months to 1 year old, and has
displayed an amazingly sweet disposition, despite her predicament.
OUR problem? The bill from the vet for surgery has totaled over $900.
We initally thought that, since the vet's office knew of Lucky's plight,
that some discount would be in order. After all was said and done,
however, we were charged full price and told by the doctor that, since
the clinic was part of a franchise, there was "nothing" he could do.
WE'RE asking all people with compassion for animals to send $1 to help
us with Lucky's bill. Please understand that we realize charity for
humans is more important than charity for animals, but we now have
responsibility for a living thing that would not be so, were it not for
us. Initally, we were going to give Lucky away, but we have bonded with
her during her care, and on Christmas, he gave me her as a present.
PLEASE send to -
Lucky The Cat
1234 Joy Road
Plymouth, NJ 84170
WE apologize for posting this across USENET, but we felt that this
needed to be told.
THANK you for reading this...
Lines 479 Re: ANIMAL LOVERS PLEASE READ Respno 3 of 4
trask@world.std.com Gardner S Trask at The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline
mr@umd.umich.edu wrote a stirring tale about his/her cat:
As a public service, Gardner S. Trask III, president of the
_Internet Academy of ASCII Art_ will now interpret this post
for our hard-of-literacy viewers:
>"ABOUT three weeks ago, four days before Christmas,"
_________________________________________________________
| |
| De-scam-ber 1995 |
| |
|_______________________________________________________|
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | 1 | 2 |
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | |
|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|
| | | | | | | |
| 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | |
|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|
| | | | | | | |
| 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | |
|_______|_______|_______|______||=======||______|_______|
| | | | || || | |
| 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 || ** 21 || 22 | 23 |
| | | | || Dead || | |
| |Chanukah | ||cat day|| | |
|_______|_______|_______|______|| ||______|_______|
| | | | ||=======|| | |
| 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
| | | | | | | |
| | X-Mas | << ------------ Kwanzaa ---------{ |
|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|
| | |
| 31 | |
| | |
| }-->> | |
|_______|_______________________________________________|
>"I found what I thought was a dead cat out on the road in front of
> farmhouse."
~~~ ~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~ /\
~~~~ | |
~~~ _____|__|_____
/^\ ____ / \
/ \ | | / \
/ \ | | / \
/ () \| | / \
/ \ | / \
/ \ | / --------------- \
/ ____ ____ \| /| |\ /|\ /| |\
/ | | | | \ | | \ / | \ / | |
/| | | | | |\ | | \/ | \/ | |
| | | | | | | | /\ | /\ | |
| ---- ---- | /| | / \ | / \ | |
| | / | |/ \|/ \| |
| | / | --------------- |
| ____ ______ | / | |
| | | | | | / | ---------------------- |
| | | |[][]| | / | |\ /| | |
| | | | | | /| | | \ / | (__) | |
| ---- | .| | | | | \ / | (o o) | |
| | | | | | | \ / | (..) moo |
| () | | | | | | / \ |____\/____| |
| ( ) | | | | | | / \ | | |
|_( ~ )_|____|_| | | |/ \ | | |
________/________\______________
______________________________________________________________________
\_\ ^^
~(__)(xx)
/ / -`~~
_____________________________________________________________________
>"The cat, a small black tabby, was not moving and contorted in a
> weird position (even for a cat!!!)"
__..--''``---....___ _..._ __
/// //_.-' .-/"; ` ``<._ ``.''_ `. / // /
///_.-' _..--.'x \ `( ) ) // //
/ (_..-' // (< x ;_..__ ; `' / ///
/ // // // `-._,_)' // / ``--...____..-' /// / //
>"Luckily, I heard a faint cry from
> the poor thing, which immediately sent me to the house for a blanket
> and box."
______________________
/ _ ,/| /| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/ |'\`o 0' _ / | ~ Ramada Inn ~
/ | =(_*_)= ( "Aak" / | ~ ~
/ | )U( _) / | blanket ~ * * ~
/ | / \( / | ~~ ****** ~~
_______(/`_'\)_________ X | ~ * * ~
| | P / ~ * * ~
| | / ~ ~
| | / ~ * ~
| Pixel-Stix Brand | / ~ ** * ~
| (r) | / ~ * * ~
| |/ ~~ ******* ~
|______________________| Box ~ ~~
~ ~__________~___
~ ~_~ ~
~ ~ ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"THE cat had obviously been run over by a car."
\v^v^\ \v^v^\
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\v^v^\ \v^v^\ ( Like, who didn't see
\v^v^\ \v^v^\ this one coming? )
>"I immediately called the Humane Society to arrange for treatment.
> After describing the extent of the cat's injuries, the Humane Society
> could only prescribe one solution -Euthanasia. "
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>"Now, while I'm not a typical "Bunny Hugger," somehow I
> could not bring myself to do this. What came next was a call to a
> private vet, who would mend "Lucky's" broken hip and treat her internal
> injuries."
>"OUR problem? The bill from the vet for surgery has totaled over $900."
____________________________________________________
| |
| Invioce Dr. Ima Fraud |
| 123 Scam Ave. |
| Shamsville |
|___________________________________________________|
| | | |
| | | |
| Take care of one cute little | | |
| cuddly kitten. Poor little | | |
| kitty cat had big bad boo boo. | | |
| Nice lady bring im in da puddy | | |
| tat. Nice lady now pay | | |
| exorbitant fees becaus um berry | | |
| mean vet won't cut 'em costs. | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| Total | |$ 900 |
| | | |
_____________________________________________________
>"We initally thought that, since the vet's office knew of Lucky's plight,
> that some discount would be in order. After all was said and done,
> however, we were charged full price and told by the doctor that, since
> the clinic was part of a franchise, there was "nothing" he could do."
**
******
** **
** **
** All Day **
* *
* SUCKER!!! *
** **
** **
** **
*****
/{|}\
/ \
/~~~~~~~\
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
>"WE'RE asking all people with compassion for animals to send $1 to help
> us with Lucky's bill. "
.....
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..
. EVEN BIGGER .
. .
. ALL .
. .
.. DAY .. /-----------------------
.. .. / |
.. SUCKER !!!! .. / Sale Price: |
.. .. / || |
.. .. / $||$ 111 |
.. .. / $ || $ 1111 |
....... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ $|| 11 11 |
/ \ \ || 11 |
/ \ \ ||$ 11 |
/~~~~~~~~~~ \ \ $ || $ 11 |
| | \ $||$ 11111111 |
| | \ || |
| | \-----------------------
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
|__|
>" Initally, we were going to give Lucky away, but we have bonded with
> her during her care, and on Christmas, he gave me her as a present.
>
.
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
) **** | | ***** ( | | (
( * * | | ** *** ) | | )
)* * | | * * ( | | (
** * * |*****| * * * ) | | )
* * * ** ** * ( | | (
* **** *** ** * ) | | )
* *** * * ** * ( | | (
* ** * ** * *** ) | | )
)* **** ***** ** ** ( | | (
( *** * | | *** ) | | )
) *** | | ( | | (
( | | ) | | )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
\ /----------------------------
\ / To: My dear wife |
\ / |
\/ From: A cheap bastard |
/\~~ that would give |
\ you a cat that |
\ you found anyways. |
\ |
\ Merry Christmas |
\----------------------------
>"PLEASE send to -
___
> Lucky The Cat _.-| | |\__/,| (`\
> c/o ACME Catnip Co. { | | |o o |__ _) )
> Overdue Accounts Dept. "-.|___| _.( T ) ` /
> Shamsville, MI .--'-`-. _((_ `^--' /_< \
> Attn: Ms. Grifter" .+|______|__.-||__)`-'(((/ (((/
>"WE apologize for posting this across USENET, but we felt that this
needed to be told."
"us"
/ /
/ / /
||\\ /
/ \ /
| | |/
r \ \ r^- -
|\---- | |---/|
/ | | | \
- - - - - ( / / ) - - - - - - -
- - - - - \ | | / - - - - -
__-----^----| |----^--#----+
H | | #
/ / \ \
{ / * \
-/ / 9\ \-
{ | | }
{ } { }
# ^ } { }
{ }-\__---\____-----#-{ }
{^_^} v{-_-} {*_*} v(0_0}
__________________________ End Article _______________________
We at the _Internet Academy of ASCII Art_ hope you heve benefited from
this pictoral rendition of this seasonal heartwarming tale. We ask however
that if you must be fleeced^H^H^H^H^H^H generous with your money, that you
consider enrolling in our Internet school. Admission is tight, but space
can be made for the students with enourmous assets^H^H^H^H^H^H talent.
Just fill out our easy to draw application form below.
Much thanks,
Gardner S. Trask III
President
(Special thanks to Dr. Science)
![[=]](/GFX/FileDrawer.gif)
© 1996 Peter Langston
![[]](/GFX/envelope.gif)