Fun_People Archive
16 Jan
Beyond the Beltway 1995

Date: Tue, 16 Jan 96 22:14:01 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Beyond the Beltway 1995

[Astute Fun_People will recognize several Fun_Items in this list, including  
the one that's really about "Braulio" -- no need to send me mail about it; I  
know you remember...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: carolyn meinel <cmeinel@unm.edu>
Forwarded-by: Mark Cavallaro <bluesky@atlcom.net>

		      The Washington Post
		       January 1, 1996

Beyond the Beltway 1995; You Thought Things Were Strange Here
	-- by Ken Ringle, Washington Post Staff Writer

   You say you guessed right on O.J., kept up with Bosnia, figured out
the federal budget impasse and even beat the spread on both
Redskins-Cowboys games, and yet you still feel you missed a few things
that happened in 1995?

   Here, selected from wire dispatches, is what you've been looking for.

   Thinning Out the Herd

   MEDFORD, Ore. -- A 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA said his
college degree was to blame for his murdering three people. "There are
too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another
field, all this may not have happened."

   Accountability

   NIZHNY NOVGOROD, Russia -- Zoo directors threatened to set two
tigers loose on the town unless city officials came up with money to
feed them.

   Rubber Bullet

   ALBANY, N.Y. -- New York recalled thousands of defective condoms
sent to community organizations across the state for distribution in
safe-sex programs.

   Why Mail Is Late

   DENVER -- A postal clerk was arrested after arriving at work in a
pickup truck loaded with guns and hunting knives, wearing a dress, a
gorilla mask and what authorities described as "a strap-on sexual
device."

   California Culture (1)

   LOS ANGELES -- Grand jurors looking into the bankruptcy of Orange
County were told that the county's former treasurer consulted an
astrologer and a psychic for advice on investing county funds.

   California Culture (2)

   LOS ANGELES -- Two men who broke into a mortuary and had sexual
contact with two female corpses were charged only with burglary,
since necrophilia is not illegal in California.

   Disneyland Culture (3)

   ANAHEIM, Calif. -- A former Mouseketeer sued Disneyland, claiming
that her grandchildren were traumatized when they were taken to an
office and allowed to see Disney characters disrobe.

   Aesthete

   EL PASO -- A trucker was convicted of shooting his wife to death
and chopping her up into 21 pieces that he painted gold, gray and
blue.

   Al Dente, Please

   BOSTON -- An insurance executive was charged with tearing out his
wife's heart and lungs and impaling them on a stake in a fight about
overcooked ziti.

   The Age of Tolerance

   WEST DUNDEE, Ill. -- An Algonquin, Ill., man was charged with
assaulting a pregnant woman because he was bothered by her cigarette
smoke.

   Animal Rights (1)

   MIAMI -- A Dade County judge sentenced a man to five years in
prison for killing a puppy, saying the case appeared to concern the
public more than most murders.

   Animal Rights (2)

   CACERES, Spain -- A British animal rights activist making a film to
protest bullfighting festivals was seriously gored by one of the bulls
she said needed protection.

   Animal Rights (3)

   LOS ANGELES -- Authorities launched an investigation of an animal
rights group called Mercy Crusade Inc. after discovering the
organization had bought or ordered 34 guns in the past year, including
rifles, assault pistols and other weapons restricted under federal laws.

   Police Priorities

   NEW YORK -- Police in Manhattan fined a woman $50 for permitting
her bladder-desperate 4-year-old to relieve himself behind a tree in
Central Park.

   Food Fight

   LUBBOCK, Tex. -- Officials at Texas Tech officially declared it
unsportsmanlike for spectators to sail tortillas onto the field
during football games.

   Noise Pollution

   STOCKHOLM -- A man has been charged with murdering his wife for
running the vacuum cleaner while he watched television.

   What's My Line?

   BRASILIA -- Brazil's health ministry discarded the name given to a
"talking penis" used in an anti-AIDS ad campaign after angry
protests from people with the same name.

   Fast Food (2)

   LA GRANDE, Ore. -- A customer at a Denny's restaurant was ordered
to perform 20 hours of community service for screaming obscenities,
throwing money and refusing to leave when the restaurant charged him
extra to substitute hash browns for eggs on his Grand Slam Breakfast.

   Annals of Journalism (1)

   KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- A former newspaper lifestyles editor was
sentenced to four years in prison for trying to kill the husband of a
member of his church's choir -- a woman he had profiled in a Mother's
Day article and with whom he was having an affair.

   Annals of Journalism (2)

   KENNEWICK, Wash. -- A well-coifed local TV reporter was stung more
than 30 times when bees swarmed on his hair gel.

   Animals Are Human (3)

   BEIJING -- An owl in the southern Chinese province of Jiangxi built
a nest in a farmer's house so it could watch television every night
with the farmer's family.

   Gourmet Cooking (2)

   RIO DE JANEIRO -- Eight people unwittingly ate the liver of a
murder victim served up fried with onions and garlic in a bar in
Brazil. "The only difference I noticed was that the meat was a bit
tough and I had to let it fry for longer than usual," said the cook,
who didn't realize he was sauteing a customer.

   Your Tax Dollars

   WASHINGTON -- After five years of pondering the hazards of the
common five-gallon bucket, the Consumer Product Safety Commission
decided not to require it be redesigned so children can't fall in.
The commission agreed instead to let manufacturers spend $500,000
warning the public that children might fall in.

   Buzz Bomb

   INDEPENDENCE, Kan. -- A pilot was convicted of littering after
buzzing the town at rooftop and bombing Main Street with a four-pack
of toilet paper.

   Annals of Sport

   TAMARAC, Fla. -- Statuesque caddies from a strip joint called the
Booby Trap were ordered to wear more than sun block for the naked golf
tournament at the Colony West Country Club after a protesting member
moved his daughter's bat mitzvah party from the clubhouse.

   Nuns Were Right

   CHICAGO -- An ophthalmology journal says vigorous sex really can
make you blind. But only in rare cases and never for long.

© 1996 Peter Langston