Fun_People Archive
11 Jan
Dolls "R" Us

Date: Thu, 11 Jan 96 16:50:28 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Dolls "R" Us

Forwarded-by: Lani Herrmann <lanih@info.sims.berkeley.edu>
Forwarded-by: jmichael@sas.upenn.edu

Lisa Ratmansky wrote:

The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of "Baywatch" have
joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise. After all, both
companies have made millions off airheads with flawless skins, Malibu tans
and synthetic breasts.

If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certain to
follow. Some possibilities:

Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment, where
Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessories include
a bottle of vodka, silk sheets, and an arrest warrant.

Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders
important tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how to
take care of their nails while shoeing a horse.

America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crime
against feminism.

Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks!
Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is,
Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.

My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as regular teens
who don't have huge wardrobes, perfect bods, pools, and ponies.

Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American dream is explored with this
doll, which shows what happened after Barbie graduated from high school,
married too young and ate too much.

Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder stateswoman of the Barbie set
(she's 27!) arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously
disappear.

© 1996 Peter Langston