Fun_People Archive
18 Dec
A few euphemisms

Date: Mon, 18 Dec 95 13:01:25 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: A few euphemisms

["Talking quietly to yourself?"  "Firing the surgeon general?"  What ever are  
they talking about?  -psl]

Forwarded-by: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
Forwarded-By: dana@tread.engr.sgi.com

For women:

* Brushing the beaver
* Doing my nails
* Doing the Two Finger Slot Rumba
* Finger blasting
* Flicking the bean
* Going Mining
* JocelynEldering
* Makin' waves for the man-in-the-boat
* Making soup
* Nulling the void
* Paddling the pink canoe
* Parting the red sea
* Playing the beaver
* Playing The Silent Trombone
* Rolling the dough
* Strumming the banjo
* Surfin' the channel
* The two fingered tango
* Tickling the taco
* Toggling the bit

for Men:

* A big date with Rosy Palms
* Adjusting your set
* Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
* Auditioning the finger puppets
* Auditioning your hand puppet
* Backstroke roulette
* Bashing the Bishop
* Bashing the candle
* Beating off
* Beating the balogna
* Beating the Bishop
* Beating the dummy
* Beating the old man
* Beating the pud
* Beating the stick
* Beating your meat
* Beef-stroke-it-off
* Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
* Being your own best friend
* Biffing off
* Bleed the weed
* Blowing the load
* Blowing your own horn
* Bludgeoning the beefsteak
* Bopping the bishop
* Bopping the bolgney
* Bopping the Bonzo
* Boxing the bald champ
* Boxing the jesuit and getting cockroaches
* Boxing with Richard
* Buffin' the bishop
* Buffing the banana
* Buggering your hand
* Burping the baby
* Burping the worm
* Buttering the corn
* Caning the vandal
* Capturing the bishop
* Charming the snake
* Checking for testicular cancer
* Cheesing off
* Choking Kojak
* Choking the bald guy until he pukes
* Choking the chicken
* Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
* Clamping the pipe
* Cleaning your rifle
* Clearing the snorkel
* Climbin the tree
* Climbing Mount Baldy
* Closet Frisbee
* Coming into your own
* Cooking the cream of cock
* Corralling the tadpoles
* Couch hockey for one
* Cranking the love pump
* Cranking the shank
* Crimping the wire
* Crowning the king
* Cuddlin' the Kielbasa
* Cuffing the carrot
* Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
* Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
* Defrosting the fridge
* Diddling
* Digitally oscillating one's penis
* Doin' The Solitary Rhumba
* Doing a hand job
* Doing battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
* Doing handiwork
* Doing It Your Way
* Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
* Doing the janitor thing
* Doing the pork sword jiggle
* Doing the White Knuckler
* Doing your own thing
* Downing at the club (for members only)
* Draining the monster
* Dry humping the ottoman
* Electing the president
* Engaging in safe sex
* Faxing the Pope
* Feeding the ducks
* Firing the Surgeon General
* Fist fucking
* Fisting your mister
* Five on one
* Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
* Flick on over the thumb
* Flicking the bic
* Flipping the Bishop
* Flogging the bishop
* Flogging the dog
* Flogging the dolphin
* Flogging the dong
* Flogging the frog
* Flogging the hog
* Flogging the log
* Flogging the mule
* Flogging the salami
* Flute solo
* Fly fishing
* Fondling the fig
* Freeing Willy
* Friggit
* Frosting the pastries
* Galloping the antelope
* Galloping the old lizard
* Genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion
* Getting a date with Slick Mittens
* Getting chafed
* Getting off
* Getting the German soldier marching
* Getting to know yourself
* Getting your palm red
* Getting your pole varnished
* Giving it a tug
* Giving yourself a low five
* Gluing the lady's eye's shut
* Going a couple of rounds with ol' josh
* Going blind
* Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
* Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
* Going on Peewee's little adventure
* Going the blow
* Grappling the gorilla
* Greasing the pipe
* Hacking the hog
* Han Solo
* Hand job
* Hand Shandy
* Handy work
* Hard labor
* Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
* Having a date with Fisty Palmer
* Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
* Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming
  slang)
* Having a one-night-stand with yourself
* Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
* Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
* Having it off
* Having sex with someone you love
* Hitchhiking to heaven
* Hitchhiking underneath the big top
* Holding the sausage hostage
* Honing the cone
* Hugging the hog
* Humping the hose
* Ironing some wrinkles
* Jack hammering
* Jacking off
* Jazzing yourself
* Jerkin' the gherkin
* Jerking Jamby
* Jerking off
* Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
* Jizzlobbing
* Juggling the coullions
* Just jerkin' it
* Kicking seamen
* Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
* Knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
* Launching the hand shuttle
* Looking for ticks
* Loping the mule
* Loves labors lost
* Loving the muppet
* Lubing the Tube
* Making a foreskin cone
* Making instant pudding
* Making the bald man puke
* Mangling the midget
* Manipulating the mango
* Manning the cockpit
* Manual labor
* Manual override
* Master bacon
* Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
* Meeting Rosie Hancock
* Meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
* Milking one's self
* Milking the bull
* Milking the cow
* Milking the lizard
* Milking the moose
* Mounting a corporal and four
* Much goo about nothing
* My sex life!
* Nerking your throbber
* Oiling the glove
* Onan's Olympics
* Onanism
* One gun salute
* One man show
* One off the wrist
* Packing your palm
* Paddling the pickle
* Painting the ceiling
* Painting the pickle
* Painting the walls
* Palming the calm
* Peelin' some chiles
* Peeling the banana
* Peeling the carrot
* Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
* Perling the oyster
* Petting the lizard
* Phoning the czar
* Pipping the pumpkin
* Playing a little five-on-one
* Playing a one-stringed guitar
* Playing in a one-man show
* Playing Peek-A-Boo With Mr. Johnson
* Playing peekaboo
* Playing pocket pinball
* Playing pocket pool
* Playing tag with the pink torpedo
* Playing the one-stringed melody
* Playing the skin flute
* Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
* Playing Uno
* Playing with the spitting llama
* Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
* Pleasing your pisser
* Plunking your twanger
* Pocket pinball
* Pocket pool
* Polishing Percy in your palm
* Polishing the family jewels
* Polishing the helmet
* Polishing the rocket
* Polishing the sword
* Popping the cork
* Pounding off
* Pounding the bald-headed moose
* Pounding the pud
* Pounding your flounder
* Preparing the carrot
* Priming the pump
* Pud wrestling
* Pulling off
* Pulling rank
* Pulling the bologna pony
* Pulling the carrot
* Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
* Pulling the cord
* Pulling the five-knuckle shuffle
* Pulling the goalie
* Pulling the pole
* Pulling the Pope
* Pulling your goalie
* Pulling your own leg
* Pulling your prick
* Pulling your pud
* Pulling your taffy
* Pummeling the priest
* Pumping cream
* Pumping the mayonnaise pen
* Pumping the python
* Pumping the stump
* Punchin' the munchkin
* Punching the clown
* Punching the munchin
* Punishing Percy in the palm
* Punishing the Pope
* Ramming the ham
* Rapid one arm pull-ups
* Relieving tension
* Riding the great white knuckler
* Rolling your own
* Romeo and Himself
* Roping the pony
* Roping the Pope
* Roughing up the suspect
* Rubbing off
* Rubbing one out
* Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
* Rubbing the pink eraser
* Running off a batch by hand
* Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
* Safest sex
* Sanding wood
* Scouring the tower of power
* Scratchin the itch
* Secret handshake
* Self abuse
* Self-induced penile regurgitation
* Self-inflicted intercourse
* Sex with someone you really love
* Shagging
* Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln
* Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
* Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
* Shaking Hands with Mr. President
* Shaking hands with the midget
* Shaking hands with the unemployed
* Shaking hands with the wife's best friend
* Shaking hands with your John Thomas
* Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
* Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
* Shaking the bottle
* Shaking the hand of the self-employed
* Shaking the sauce
* Shaking the sausage
* Shaking the snake
* Shellacking the shellaleigh
* Shemping the hog
* Shifting gears
* Shining the helmet
* Shining the pork sword
* Shining your pole
* Shoot skeet (pull... shoot)
* Shooting flies
* Shooting for the moon
* Shooting putty at the moon
* Shuck the Corn
* Shucking your corn
* Slaking the bacon
* Slamming the ham
* Slamming the hammer
* Slamming the salami
* Slamming the salmon
* Slamming the spam
* Slappin the purple headed yogurt pistol
* Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
* Slapping it
* Slapping pappy
* Slapping the carrot
* Slapping the clown
* Slapping the donkey
* Slapping the FleshGopher
* Slapping the pud
* Slapping the salami
* Slinging the jelly
* Smacking the salami
* Smacking-off
* Snapping one off
* Snapping the monkey
* Snapping the rubber
* Snapping the whip
* Solo flight
* Solo marathon
* Solo sex
* Spanking Elvis
* Spanking Frank
* Spanking the bishop
* Spanking the monkey
* Spanking the salami
* Spanking the wank
* Spit-polishing the purple helmet
* Squeezing the cheese
* Squeezing the juice
* Squeezing the lemon
* Squeezing the weasel
* Squeezing your cheese-dog
* Stinky pinky
* Stirring the batter
* Stirring the yogurt
* Strainin' the main vein
* Strangling the Serpent
* Stroking it
* Stroking off
* Stroking the dog
* Stroking the lizard
* Stroking the mole
* Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
* Stroking the satin-headed serpent
* Stroking the wiener
* Stroking your poker
* Stroking your twinkie
* Taking a shake break
* Taking matters into your own hands
* Taking part in population control
* Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
* Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
* Talking quietly to yourself
* Taming the shrew
* Taunting the one-eyed weasel
* Teasing the weasel
* Teasing the weenie
* Tenderizing the meat
* Tenderizing the tube steak
* Testing the testicles
* Testing your batteries
* That crazy hand jive
* The art of Unisex
* The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
* The five knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
* The serta solo
* Thrapping
* Thumping the pump
* Ticklewigglejigglepickle
* Tickling my fancy
* Tickling the ivory
* Tickling the one-eyed weasel
* Tickling the pickle
* Tossing off
* Tossing the salad
* Tossing the snag
* Tossing the turkey
* Tossing yogurt
* Trouser snake CPR
* Tugging the slug
* Tugging the tapioca tube
* Turning Japanese
* Twanging the wire
* Tweaking your twinkie
* Twisting your crank
* Unloadinging the gun
* Varnishing the flagpole
* Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
* Wacking off
* Wacking the one-eyed worm
* Wacking the weasel
* Wacking the willie
* Waking the dead
* Waking Wee Willie Wonka
* Walking the dog
* Walking the plank
* Walking the snake
* Wanking
* Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
* Washing the meat
* Waxing the car
* Waxing the carrot
* Waxing the dolphin
* Waxing your surfboard
* Whackin the weasel
* Whacking it
* Whacking off
* Whacking Willy
* Whipping off
* Whipping the dummy
* Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
* Whipping the rat
* Whipping the stiff
* Whipping the wire
* Whipping up some sour cream
* Whipping willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
* Whipping your dripper
* White-water wristing
* Whittling the stick
* Whizzing jism
* Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
* Wonking your conker
* Workin' out a stiff joint
* Working off
* Wrestling the eel
* Wrestling the purple headed warrior
* Wrestling with the bald champ
* Wringing out your rope
* Wrist aerobics
* Yanking off
* Yanking the crank
* Yanking the yoyo
* Yanking your plank

© 1995 Peter Langston