Fun_People Archive
13 Dec
MIT -:- College admissions in the marketeering age...

Date: Wed, 13 Dec 95 18:23:06 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: MIT -:- College admissions in the marketeering age...

[Okay, so the response is obvious, but it's still pretty funny...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: good@pixar.com (Craig Good))
From: john@leland.stanford.edu (John Thomas Mongan)

MIT certainly has a reputation to be proud of, but its admissions
department went a little over-board, I think.  I actually received
this letter, and actually mailed the following (original) response.

April 18, 1994

Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567

Dear John:

   You've got the grades.  You've certainly got the PSAT scores.  And now
you've got a letter from MIT.  Maybe you're surprised.  Most students would
be.

    But you're not most students.  And that's exactly why I urge you to
consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.

    The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful
indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT.  It certainly
got my attention!

    Engineering's not for you?  No problem.  It may surprise you to learn we
offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and
cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country)
to writing.

    What?  Of course, you don't want to be bored.  Who does?  Life here *is*
tough *and* demanding, but it's also *fun*.  MIT students are imaginative and
creative - inside and outside the classroom.

    You're interested in athletics?  Great!  MIT has more varsity teams - 39 -
than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so
everybody can participate.

    You think we're too expensive?  Don't be too sure.  We've got surprises
for you there, too.

    Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this
unique institution?  Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,

Michael C. Benhke
Director of Admissions

P.S.  If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "Insight,"
just check the appropriate box on the form.

******************************************************************************* 


May 5, 1994

Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307

Dear Michael:

    You've got the reputation.  You've certainly got the pomposity.  And now
you've got a letter from John Mongan.  Maybe you're surprised.  Most
universities would be.

    But you're not most universities.  And that's exactly why I urge you to
carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective
that he will choose only *one* of the thousands of accredited universities in
the country.

    The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a
powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility
for John Mongan's future education.  It certainly got my attention!

    Don't want Bio-Chem students?  No problem.  It may surprise you to learn
that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology,
from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in
the country) to classical piano.

    What?  Of course you don't want egotistical jerks.  Who does?  I *am* self
indulgent *and* over confident, but I'm also amusing.  John Mongan is funny
and amusing - whether you're laughing with him or at him.

    You're interested in athletes?  Great!  John Mongan has played more sports
- 47 - than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as
Orienteering.

    You think I can pay for your school?  Don't be too sure.  I've got
surprises for you there, too.

    Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your
chance of being selected by John Mongan?  Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,


John Mongan

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "John Mongan:
What a Guy!" just ask.

© 1995 Peter Langston