Fun_People Archive
8 Dec
WhiteBoardness - 12/8/95

Date: Fri, 8 Dec 95 21:05:57 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: WhiteBoardness - 12/8/95

Excerpted-from: WhiteBoard News for December 08, 1995


Miami, Florida:

Two models interrupted a fashion shoot this week in Miami to chase down a
car prowler.

Katina Salfatinos and Andrea Franklin, decked out in spandex and in-line
skates, were posing for a fitness magazine when they saw a man break into
Salafatinos' car.

The models, enthusiastic skaters, chased Rerado Velasquez, 19, and turned
him over to police.

"We wrestled him to the ground and sat on him," Franklin told a reporter.
==========

"Another big theme of this episode is sex.  They've never had sex, and they
confide in each other, and he makes some very startling revelations.  You
know, he IS an alien."

Actor Dean Cain, star of television's "Superman" on the upcoming episode he
wrote.

[I just hope he researched the existing literature on the subject,
i.e. the science fiction classic "Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue Paper"
-psl]

==========

London, England:

Philip Kerr was less than thrilled to win London's Literary Review Bad Sex
Prize, awarded annually for descriptions of sex which are "redundant,
perfunctory, unconvincing, embarrassed and embarrassing."

"There's actually very little sex in my book, probably less than a page,"
protested Kerr, author of "Gridiron."

He said it was disappointing that Britons still apparently regarded sex as
a subject for sniggering.

"It's indicative of everything that's wrong with the British attitude toward
sex.  I despair," Kerr told a newspaper.

Among Kerr's sentences singled out by Literary Review:

"His tremulous thumbs gathered the elastic waist of her panties and plucked
them down over the twin gold domes of her behind and back up over the
suspended sentences and Sobraine filter-tips of her stocking tops...

"Detaching mind from over-eager gnomon and its exquisitely appointed,
shadowy task, he began to make love to her.  When they had finished they
lay under the sheet and watched TV."

"What is he talking about?" Literary Review editor Auberon Waugh wrote in
the review.
==========

Fast News Forum:

An anonymous Italian Catholic priest with a blocked sperm duct has asked
the country's most famous fertility doctor to help his girlfriend have their
test-tube baby.

The Nevada Judicial Commission fired Las Vegas Municipal Judge Gary Davis
for misconduct, including playing "Jail House Rock" within earshot of people
awaiting trial.  Davis says he will appeal.

Delta Tech Incorporated, of Nederland, Colorado, says it will discontinue
packing dry ice around the body of Bredo Morstol unless payments are made
more regularly.  Norwegian Trygve Bauge had his grandfather frozen in the
event someday a cure will be found for what killed him.

© 1995 Peter Langston