Fun_People Archive
15 Nov
Basic Tax

Date: Wed, 15 Nov 95 02:28:51 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Basic Tax

Forwarded-by: joev@halcyon.com
From: glitnoid@ix.netcom.com (Stew Dodge )

A possible soulution to the fiscal woes of America would be the enactment
of the "BASIC" tax.  Anyone using the word "basic" or "basically" in casual
conversation pays a fine of one dollar(US) for each time the word is used.
If either word is used in a local broadcast (either radio or television)
the fine doubles.  If either word is used on a national program, the fine
is five dollars(US) per usage.  If either word is used while being
interviewed after any film or music awards ceremony, or after any
professional sports championship game the fine is ten dollars(US). All fines
are due and payable the day of the offense.

[What a tempting thought!  We could also enact a $1.20 tariff on anyone  
utilizing "utilize" where they could have used "use."  Hmmm ... perhaps we  
should generalize that in the form of the Egregious Hypersyllabification Tax  
--  $.50 for every unnecessary syllable ("utilize" instead of "use" is 2 extra  
syllables = $1.00, "follically challenged" instead of "bald" is (approx.) 5  
extra syllables = $2.50, "basically" instead of "" is 3 or 4 extra syllables =  
$1.75, etc.)  -psl]

© 1995 Peter Langston