Fun_People Archive
12 Sep
The Elephant and the Plastic Surgeon

Date: Tue, 12 Sep 95 19:59:10 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Elephant and the Plastic Surgeon

Forwarded-by: lanih@info.SIMS.Berkeley.EDU (Lani Herrmann)
Forwarded-by: jmichael@sas.upenn.edu
[Mildly edited by me -- psl]

	Three men were on safari in Africa one day when an elephant came
running out of the bushes and trampled the three men, but not before they
managed to shoot it.
	A plastic surgeon just happened to be passing by in a helicopter
and saw the carnage. He thought that maybe he could do something, and landed
near the men.
	The first guy was in pretty bad shape. He was missing a piece of
bone in his forehead. So the surgeon chopped off part of the elephant's
tusk, put it in the guy's head, and sewed him up.
	The second guy was a little worse.  His skin was ripped up and
torn off, especially around his neck and face.  So the surgeon sliced
some skin off of the elephant and sewed it on his second patient.
	The third guy was the worst.  The elephant had, while trampling
him, ripped off his penis.  So the surgeon cut off the end of the
elephant's trunk and sewed it on the guy as a replacement.
	The surgeon then ran into his helicopter and took off, hoping
his patients wouldn't remember him and try to sue him.
	Three years later, the plastic surgeon walked into a bar and saw
the three guys, looking pretty good.  He decided to approach them and ask
how they were doing.
	He said, "Hey,aren't you the three guys that got trampled by that
elephant?  How are you doing these days?"
	The first guy responded, "Man, I'm great. I feel wonderful, and you
wouldn't believe how much my memory has improved. I mean, I can look at a
page once and recite it word for word back to you."
	The surgeon nodded and looked happy that at least one person
wouuldn't want to sue him.  He turned to the second guy and said, "You okay?
I heard your skin got ripped up pretty bad."
	"Yeah," said the guy, " but it's better than new now.  My skin's
so tough you could punch me and I would barely feel it.  Yeah, I'm a big
prizefighter now.  I'm going for the heavyweight championship."
	That's two who won't sue, thought the surgeon.  He asked the third
guy how he was doing.
	"I'm doin real good, man," the third guy replied.  "Got a great sex
life, but there's just this one problem..."
	The surgeon got nervous at this point and hoped that it wasn't a bad
problem.  "What seems to be the problem?" he asked.
	"Well," said the guy, "whenever they start passing out peanuts at a
party, I always get thrown out."

© 1995 Peter Langston