Fun_People Archive
25 Aug
Not Really A Testimonial

Date: Fri, 25 Aug 95 13:16:02 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Not Really A Testimonial

[Note: OPWARC stands for "ont.personals.whips.and.rubber.chickens"
 a regional newsgroup...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: jim@reptiles.org (Jim Mercer)
From: Stephen Kunc <sck@capitalnet.com>
Newsgroups: cmh.forsale,dc.forsale,de.talk.sex,dfw.forsale,dfw.personals,
  dfw.singles,eug.forsale,fido.sex-ger,fido7.sex,finet.sex,fj.forsale,
  fl.forsale,ga.forsale,gay-net.international,halcyon.forsale,
  houston.forsale,hsv.forsale,iijnet.forsale,il.ads,kw.forsale,
  la.forsale,man.forsale,misc.forsale.non-computer,mn.forsale,
  nb.forsale,nj.forsale,nj.market.misc,ny.forsale,oc.forsale,
  ont.personals.whips.and.rubber.chickens,ont.sf-lovers,ont.singles
Subject: Re: *** HOT XXX Adult Products & Videos -- Free Catalog ***

bryanf@bronze.interlog.com (Bryan Fullerton) wrote:
>In article <Edda1995Aug16.013750.24075@news.compulink.com>,
>Carmen Deturse <cdeturse@idirect.com> wrote:
>> Complete catalog of seXXXy products, marital aids, lingerie,
>> outrageous adult gifts, and videos at unbeatable prices.
>
>You have RCs?  I assume you must, 'cause you posted to OPWARC.
>
>Anyone have experience buying RCs from this company?

I have vast amounts of experience buying from this company, under the
pseudonym Nikolaus Maack.

I bought their Thumper IV model Penis Expander, and my first complaint is
that it did not come in the plain brown wrapper that they promised.  Instead
it arrived in a box lavishly adorned with advertisements for cock rings.
Later on, I bought their StretchMan "Charles Atlas" model Penis Expander,
but I was deeply disatisfied with its performance, the gyroscope always
needs to be replaced, and the mazola emits a foul burning smell when you
have the Stretchman on the "puree" setting.

I also bought this company's "Little Suzie" blow-up doll, which promised
"full life-like lips" and genuine recordings for audio stimulation. The full
life-like lips are in fact, prunes, and the audio recordings are surplussed
Teddy Ruxpin stories.

Giving this company the benefit of the doubt, I subsequently bought their
"Edible Condom" (which broke), their "Mistress Eva stretch pants" (which
rode up) and their "C++ compiler" (which did not link properly with
ansi.lib).

I hope this gives you some idea of the company you are dealing with, and if
you plan on buying a rubber chicken from them, expect it to be made of the
cheapest synthetics, not speak properly, and arrive at your neighbour's
house in gift-wrapped covered with advertisements for "Hot Lips" lubricants.

© 1995 Peter Langston