Fun_People Archive
20 Jul
Yakov Smirnoff Update

Date: Thu, 20 Jul 95 12:25:00 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Yakov Smirnoff Update

Forwarded-by: danpeck@panix.com (Dan Peck)
Forwarded-by: Danny Zogott <zogottd@is.NYU.EDU>

From: levy philip a <palevy@mail.wm.edu>
To: zogottd@is.NYU.EDU
Subject: Smirnoff!

  YAKOV SMIRNOFF UPDATE  or  WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE EASTERN BLOCK FALLS
AND TAKES YOUR PATHETIC CAREER WITH IT.

 Shit Head, [ZogottNote: Ees tairm oaf affection een Rohssia]
   Well Yakov Smirnoff, the eastern orthodox patron saint of kitch and
vomit, does it again! He has proven that it is possible to sink lower than
dinner theater--Breakfast theater! He performs daily at Branson Missouri's
(country showbiz big time and Americas's number 2 vacation destination after
Disney World) The Grand Palace.
   Kelly Gray accidentally visited Branson and brought back some of the
promotional literature. The stuff is priceless. The following is a verbatim
transcription of the "Yakov Smirnoff Show's" brochure....

    WAKE UP LAUGHING WITH FAMOUS RUSSIAN COMEDIAN YAKOV SMIRNOFF
    [big picture of Yak with fur hat and word ballon saying (you
guessed it) "What a Country."]

    WHAT A GREAT WAY TO START YOUR DAY

    You'll enjoy two solid hours of laughter and excitement in Branson's
Most Celebrated Theater. . .The Grand Palace. You'll marvel at the royal
surroundings--the gorgeous chandelier in the foyer, the majestic colonial
decor. . .it's really something!
    Sit right in the theater and eat a Royal Russian Breakfast which
includes fresh Russian delicacies, such as Bobka and Pastry Romanoff
(Yakov's mom's recipes), along with traditional fresh fruit like bananas
and oranges. There's orange or apple juice and you can sip some decaf or
regular coffee while listening to Russian music. . .  it's very filling!
It's all happening from 8 to 9AM, before the show even starts. Considering
the delicious food, great entertainment, and beautiful surroundings, its
really a great way to start your day.
                    OTHER SIDE
   [big picture of a leaping Yak with his ever so funny "deer in the
headlights" open mouth gawp, Russian clothes, cowboy hat, and enourmous
golden key (no iconographic road map included.)]
  Famous Russian Comedian Yakov Smirnoff is heading for his third year in
Branson, and he's never been happier. Born and raised in Russia, Yakov
beacme a comedian at a young age. When he relives those memories he speaks
of a time when comedians in the Soviet Union were censored by the
"Department of Jokes" and his creativity was constantly stifled [perhaps
the Soviets were right on this one].  So, after two years of working on an
exit visa, Yakov and his family came to America with very little money, but
many dreams and aspirations.
   HIS SHOW HERE IN BRANSON...which is performed mornings at 9am at the
Grand Palace, includes a Royal Russian Brakefast served from 8am!  Yakov's
show is wonderfully funny, featuring playful interaction with his audience
[what is he...a dolphin?] as well as a [sic] hilarious question and answer
portion [yeah, uh Mr. Smirnoff? I have a question...do you ever wake up in
the morning and realize that you are doing BREAKFAST theater in MISSOURI
and just want to put a bullet in your fucking head?] There are also some
very emotional moments that help us all to see how wonderful it is to be an
American. You'll enjoy Yakov's brand new 1995 show. . . It's Grand Comedy
at Branson's Most Clebrated Theater, The Grand Palace!

 Not bad eh? And there's much more where that came from! Only in America
could so much crap be cremmed into such a small town. As Yakov would say.
. . "What a Country."

© 1995 Peter Langston