Fun_People Archive
13 Jul
So you only want to see one movie this summer...

Date: Thu, 13 Jul 95 13:34:51 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: So you only want to see one movie this summer...

Forwarded-by: "pardo@cs.washington.edu" <pardo@cs.washington.edu>
Forwarded-by: Tom Johnston <tomj@microsoft.com>
<fwds should have watched Siskel & Ebert>

If there is only one movie that you should see this summer, then you should
probably go see _Pocahontas_.

There.  I said it.

I don't want to give the impression that I am raving about _Pocahontas_.
I'm not.  The film is rather mediocre in comparison to its Disney
predecessors.  But I have never seen a film that [so successfully]
incorporates the plots, dialogues and characterizations of all its summer
competition.

Consider the following summer lineup, and the _Pocahontas_ equivalent.

	_Braveheart_
Based on a historical event, this film focuses on the trials of a nation
fighting for freedom against the travesties of the British.  Stars Mel
Gibson.
	_Pocahontas_
Based on a historical event, this film focuses on the trials of a tribe
fighting for freedom against the travesties of the British.  Stars Mel
Gibson.

	_Waterworld_
An ecologically-sensitive tale of people who discover a New World which
one of them wants to exploit.
	_Pocahontas_
An ecologically-sensitive tale of people who journey to the New World which
one of them wants to exploit.

	_Die Hard with a Vengeance_
A European wants all the gold in the world and doesn't mind blowing up
America to get his hands on it.
	_Pocahontas_
A European wants all the gold in the world and doesn't mind blowing up
America to get his hands on it.

	_French Kiss_
A romantic film in which an American female falls in love with a European
male.  Focus is set upon a diamond necklace, which is lost during the course
of the film. The necklace reappears at the climax of the film, worn by the
female.
	_Pocahontas_
A romantic film in which an American female falls in love with a European
male.  Focus is set upon a diamond necklace, which is lost during the course
of the film. The necklace reappears at the climax of the film, worn by the
female.

	_The Bridges of Madison County_
A romantic film in which a local woman is entranced by one who has traveled
the world.  At the end, they separate.
	_Pocahontas_
A romantic film in which a local woman is entranced by one who has traveled
the world.  At the end, they separate.

	_Crimson Tide_
The head of the ship has a small white dog that follows him wherever he
goes.
	_Pocahontas_
The head of the ship has a small white dog that follows him wherever he
goes.

	_Casper_
A widower and his daughter supernaturally relate to his dead wife.
	_Pocahontas_
A widower and his daughter supernaturally relate to his dead wife.

	_The Englishman who went up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain_
An entire community works together to dig mounds of dirt to accomplish a
task.
	_Pocahontas_
An entire community works together to dig mounds of dirt to accomplish a
task.

	_Congo_
About an expedition to a foreign continent in which the explorers meet the
"savage" tribe.  The expedition goes awry when one of its members becomes
greedy for gold.  Another of the characters talks with his animal friends.
	_Pocahontas_
About an expedition to a foreign continent in which the settlers meet the
"savage" tribe.  The expedition goes awry when one of its members becomes
greedy for gold.  Another of the characters talks with her animal friends.

	_The Indian in the Cupboard_
Please.

	_Free Willy 2_
A young man keeps friendship with animals, and becomes conscious of mother
nature.
	_Pocahontas_
A young woman keeps friendship with animals, and is conscious of mother
nature.

	_A Little Princess_
A young girl relies upon Indian mysticism to cope with the trials in her
life.
	_Pocahontas_
A young girl relies upon Indian mysticism to cope with the trials in her
life.

	_Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie_
The latest in a series of films that is targetted to kids, with gobs of
merchandizing tie-ins, including McDonald's.
	_Pocahontas_
The latest in a series of films that is targetted to kids, with gobs of
merchandizing tie-ins, including Burger King.


[Okay, now I get my say... I like this idea, but there's something irritating  
about these comparisons; I don't know if it's the inaccuracies (does "based on  
a historical event" really apply to Pocahontas?), or the stretches (does the  
description of Crimson Tide seem a little forced?), or the abundance of  
sentence fragments (most descriptions no verb), or what, but even though the  
french fries criterion strongly favors _Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The  
Movie_, I have to agree with Don Pardo's conclusion: "After reading this  
review I don't want to see *any* of these movies."  -psl]

© 1995 Peter Langston