Fun_People Archive
9 Jul
Lesser Known Sequels of the Classics

Date: Sun,  9 Jul 95 20:05:51 PDT
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Lesser Known Sequels of the Classics

Forwarded-by: spaf@cs.purdue.edu (Gene "Chief Yuckster" Spafford)
From: jperry@cs.ucla.edu (John Perry)

You've Read Oedipus The King...
Now read:

	Lesser Known Sequels of the Classics
	------------------------------------

Metamorphosis II

	Gregor Samsa goes through another mystical transformation,
    this time from a giant cockroach into a lounge singer.  The
    few people who still felt any compassion for him are now
    totally repulsed, and he moves away to Vegas.


Taming of the Shrew II: Who's the Shrew?

	The antics begin when Petruchio and Katherine's daughter
    Bianca (named after her aunt) comes of age and turns out to
    be quite a shrew herself.  Katherine at first tries to convince
    her daughter that good manners are the right way, then turns
    back to shrewishness herself to show her daughter how
    unattractive it can be.  This all builds to the hilarious
    climactic scene, where Petruchio beats them both into
    submission with an ax handle.


Huck Finn II

	Huck has grown up and propspered as a certified public
    accountant.  He decides he likes civilzation after all, though
    he never does take to wearing shoes, thus his nickname, the
    "barefoot bookkeeper".  Jim leaves the Indians and gets his
    law degree, and eventually defends the King and Duke who are
    up on a racketeering charge.


Lysistrata II

	Once again, Lysistrata convinces the women of Athens to
    boycott sex, this time to convince the men not to lay around
    and watch wrestling on Sundays.  Cinesias tries to convince
    Myrrhine to lie with him while watching wrestling, but she
    teases him and then refuses.  Some of the men try goats, but
    decide they don't like them.  Eventually the men give in.


The Farther Adventures of Robinson Crusoe

	Robinson Crusoe uses the money he inherited from the
    Brazilian plantation to start up a small cruise company. One
    day while taking out five passengers on a three hour tour to
    the Isle of Wight, a storm breaks out.  He and his first mate
    Friday (a mighty sailing man) do their best, but lose control
    of the boat.  Eventually, it crashes on a deserted island.
    The rest of the book describes the antics that occur when
    they almost get rescued several times, but Friday screws it
    up each time.


Undeath of a Salesman

	Willy Loman comes back from the dead as a vampire.  His
    hypnotic control over his customers reestablishes his life
    as a salesman.  He convinces Biff (no relation to B1FF) to
    go into professional football, where he becomes a big star
    but loses respect for his father when he does an advertizement
    for nylons.


The Divine Tragedy

	In this controversial sequel, Dante travels through New
    York City, Billings (Montana), and Salt Lake City.  The
    controversy is over the origin.  Joseph Smith claimed that
    Dante dictated this book to him in dreams, which literary
    critics have shown a lot of skepticism about.


The Bible II

	Of the Dead Sea Scrolls, these were the only ones that
    were deliberately lost.  They recount the tale of how Jesus
    descended back out of Heaven and became a lounge singer.
    Even his staunchest followers deserted him for this, and
    when Peter finally left he moved to Vegas and got a regular
    gig at the Tropicana changing water into wine.

© 1995 Peter Langston