Fun_People Archive
22 Jun
Everything you need to know

Date: Thu, 22 Jun 95 15:36:52 PDT
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Everything you need to know

Forwarded-by: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: christopher williams <cgw@io.com>
Forwarded-by: Joe D <joed@eden.com>

From: pvdl@best.com (Peter van der Linden)

       All I really need to know I learned on Internet

                     Peter van der Linden

All I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to
be, I learned on Internet.  Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate
school mountain, nor in the sandpile at Sunday school, but right there at
the active endpoint of a TCP/IP session.  These are the things I learned:

1. Always log your terminal off when you leave, even if you're only going
   to the bathroom for 5 minutes.

2. The only people who MAKE MONEY FAST on the Internet are those who
   manufacture routers and disk drives.

3. The net's memory is no longer than its attention span, so if you
   wait a little while you're sure to see the same thing go round again.

4. Some net-kooks are noisy, some net-kooks are stupid, and some net-
   kooks are rude.  But the ones who will flame you personally are
   the net-kooks who are noisy, stupid AND rude.

5. C++ is a fairytale language.  Unfortunately, the fairytale is not
   "The Goose that laid the Golden Eggs", but rather "The Emperor
   has no Clothes".

6. Not all moderators and FAQ-compilers eventually become power-mad
   and insane.  Some of them started out that way.

7. The net's memory is no longer than its attention span, so if you
   wait a little while you're sure to see the same thing go round again.

8. If you're not sure about the facts when posting something, be louder
   and more insistent to compensate. "Firm" beats "factual".  Never
   apologise, never explain, and never miss a chance to grind someone
   else's error in their face.  Laugh off your own mistakes as a
   deliberate attempt at humor.

9. The opposite sex is really excited and turned on when you post
   words and suggestions that you wouldn't use in face-to-face
   conversation.  This is a really good way to pick up new friends.
   Lewd 'n crude gets laid 'n paid.

10. That early release of "rn" that prevented a posting unless it
    contained more new lines than included lines, was actually a
    pretty good idea.

11. There's something odd about netters who spend all day and night
    staring at patterns on a crt, but criticize the mindlessness of
    television.  Letterman top 10 lists, and Dave Barry columns, get
    circulated on Internet, but no one broadcasts "the best of rec.humor"
    on TV.  Thank God.  Not yet at least.

12. Not all lists have to contain exactly 10 entries, despite what you
    have seen on television.
                                                PvdL/June 1995

© 1995 Peter Langston