Fun_People Archive
5 May
A Few Yucks

Date: Fri,  5 May 95 01:33:39 PDT
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: A Few Yucks

Forwarded-by: spaf@cs.purdue.edu (Gene "Chief Yuckster" Spafford)
Excerpted-from: Yucks Digest V5 #13 (shorts)
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Forwarded-by: garrett
From: jmc@SAIL.Stanford.EDU (John McCarthy)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.books
Subject: Re: Hoban Primer (was Re: Last Five Book you read & WHY)
Organization: Computer Science Department, Stanford University

There is a picture of a Quaker holding a box of Quaker oats on the
Quaker oats box.  The regress is infinite if you believe in the
possibility of arbitrarily small Quakers.  I don't know if the Quaker
religion allows for that.  It might be that an infinite number of the
Quakers would be moved to say something.  On the other hand, if a
Quaker being moved to speak were proportional to its size, the amount
of talk would be finite.  Has anyone observed at Quaker meetings how
the probability of being moved to speak relates to the size of the
Quaker.
--
John McCarthy, Computer Science Department, Stanford, CA 94305
*
He who refuses to do arithmetic is doomed to talk nonsense.

http://www-formal.stanford.edu/jmc/progress/

------------------------------

From: johnl@iecc.com (John Levine)
Subject: bank accounts

   ...

* International bank wires take a week.  This says something disturbing
about the speed of light in underwater cables.

------------------------------

Forwarded-by: Patrick Tufts <zippy@cs.brandeis.edu>
From: orwant@media-lab.media.mit.edu (Jon Orwant)
Subject: Re: Truman's middle name

[...]
A few years back I checked into the paperwork involved
in changing your name, with the idea of inserting
an extraneous punctuation mark or two. The form
(in Cambridge, at least) has a spot for a Soundex
code---so you can specify how your new name is pronounced.
What a great opportunity-

"It's _spelled_ 'Bob Crabapple', but it's _pronounced_
'Sloggoth, Heir of the Damned.'"

------------------------------

From: "Cook.Norman" <cook@ssdgwy.mdc.com>
Subject: Driving tips

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by
the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read
Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop
   at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying
  "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shitfaced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no
   longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light
   and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dick all day long.

© 1995 Peter Langston