Fun_People Archive
29 Mar
Windows 95

Date: Wed, 29 Mar 95 12:51:11 PST
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Windows 95

Forwarded-by: Gregg Porter <gporter@u.washington.edu>
Forwarded-by: daegan@seaccc.sccd.ctc.edu
<forwards removed>

MICROSOFT RENAMES WINDOWS 95

REDMOND, WASHINGTON --  In an effort to dispel confusion surrounding
Microsoft's upcoming new version of Windows, Microsoft announce today
that it would rename the upgrade -- formerly known as Windows 95 -- to WinEver.

"There seemed to be a great deal of anxiety about when the product
would ship.  We felt it was in the best interest of our users to free
them from this anxiety," said a Microsoft spokesperson who requested
to remain anonymous.

Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision.  "WinEver will
free Windows users from space and time constraints.  It also gives
Windows a new timeless quality", said a member of Ziff-Davis
Publishing's Editorial Staff.  "This is precisely why OS/2 is failing
in the marketplace -- they have failed to deliver a strategy for their
product."

When asked when WinEver would be available, a Microsoft spokesperson
said "Whenever."  The spokesperson added "It really  doesn't matter
since WinEver is destined to be the most powerful and popular
operating system ever." Market and industry analysts quickly agreed
adding that "WinEver has already revolutionized the industry."

A spokesperson from IBM disagreed however.  "Microsoft is still trying
to sell a product that doesn't exist.  IBM has been shipping a 32-bit
operating system since 1992 that runs todays DOS, Windows and OS/2
applications in a stable 32-bit environment with an advanced user
interface.  WinEver -- or WhatEver it's called now -- still relies on
DOS device drivers and is not a true 32-bit OS unlike OS/2."  He added
that "users who think that WinEver will have no compatibility problems
will be in for a surprise."

Most users seem to remain unconvinced however.  "WinEver will run
everything and it won't have any bugs or compatibility problems
because it's from Microsoft.  Why should I buy OS/2 which is less than
perfect when WinEver is right around the corner?"

In a related story, IBM has reportedly been working on incorporating
WinEver compatibility into a future version of OS/2.  Microsoft was
quick to express fear, uncertainty and doubt in regards to IBM's
chances of success.  "IBM is chasing a moving target and without the
source code". Industry analysts and the media agreed adding that this
is yet another example of "OS/2's failing strategy."

© 1995 Peter Langston