Fun_People Archive
1 Dec
Hard Times Back Home...

Date: Thu,  1 Dec 94 13:58:55 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: Hard Times Back Home...

Forwarded-by: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: Timothy Reed <treed@bmt.gun.com>

    NEW YORK (AP) -- David Letterman would be proud.
    Peeved that their bonuses will be slashed to 8 percent this
year, Goldman, Sachs & Co. employees on Tuesday circulated a list
of ``Top 10 Good Things About Goldman's 1994 Bonus.''
    The dig may seem overdone to non Wall Streeters used to getting
far less. But it comes one day after the fabled investment bank
told most of its 9,200 people that bonuses would be axed from the
30 percent distributed in last year's financial market boom. The
boom ended early this year.
    A Goldman spokesman didn't return a phone call seeking comment.
Letterman, whose ``Top 10'' lists have become the TV comic's
trademark, wasn't available for comment.
    The Goldman Bonus Top 10, as written by an unidentified company
employee and circulated at the firm's headquarters and London
office. A copy was obtained by The Associated Press:

    10. Don't have to make difficult investment decisions
    9. Won't be supporting as much wasteful Government spending
    8. Get to learn all about interesting bankruptcy laws
    7. Helps to dispel myths about overpaid Wall Street employees
    6. The warm feeling of having donated your time to a non-profit
	organization
    5. Eating less is good for your health
    4. Balancing your checkbook is easier with smaller numbers
    3. Won't feel too bad about having to change jobs
    2. Republicans will control the House and Senate. (OK, it's not
	really related, but I had to put something good in here.)
    1. Won't have as much lying to do to the IRS.

© 1994 Peter Langston