Fun_People Archive
31 Oct
Attenion Wayne Bob Shoppers

Date: Mon, 31 Oct 94 12:35:00 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: Attenion Wayne Bob Shoppers

[WARNING: due to the adult subject matter of this message, readers with any
form of banjophobia or elvisphobia may wish to delete this message unread... -psl]

Forwarded-by: "C. + D. Bowen" <cdbowen@WORLD.STD.COM>
To: Multiple recipients of list BGRASS-L <BGRASS-L@UKCC.UKY.EDU>

[I have been asked to relay the following announcement:]

Now that Halloween is here, smart shoppers know that Christmas is just
around the corner, and it isn't too early to be thinking about what
you're going to buy for that extra-special old-time banjo picker in\
your life.

Wayne Bob's Bait and Banjo Shop wants you to know about some special
gift items we're offering this year for the first time ever: velvet
banjo heads.  "Oh, come on," we can hear you saying.  "Wayne Bob invented
the velvet banjo head years ago -- everybody knows it's the key to achieving
the stifled "thunk" that is the hallmark of old-time banjo authenticity.
Show us something new, why don't you?"

Well, that's exactly what we're going to do.  This year, we have
something we've never been able to offer before: _black_ velvet banjo
heads with _hand-painted_ portraits on them.  Your choice of Elvis,
Tommy, or Fred.

And that's not all!  For the truly discriminating shopper, this year, in
collaboration with the Franklin Mint, we're inaugurating our annual
series of Limited-Edition Christmas Banjo Heads.  These superbly quiet
heads will be hand-painted on lush crimson velvet with dramatic scenes
from the recent history of Old-Time Music.  The 1994 edition, first in
the series, depicts the famous Nude Square Dance held in a certain
swimming pool in Maryland not very long ago.  So meticulous and accurate
is the work of our artists that you'll be able to recognize the faces,
and various other parts, of many well-known callers, cloggers, and
musicians.

This breathtaking work of art will make any banjo the center of attention
at all sessions, dances, and festivals, and is certain to be much sought
after by collectors in the years to come, driving its value to heights
you can scarcely dream of.  Each head comes with its own Certificate of
Authenticity, suitable for framing.

And we'd be negligent if we forgot to tell you that every
Limited-Edition Christmas Banjo Head is made with an extra-wide
margin so that you can mount it on any banjo right up to and
including cello size.  It can also be crafted, with very little
effort, into an attractive wall hanging or toilet seat cover.

So get right out there to Wayne Bob's Bait and Banjo Shop, on Slippery
Elm Road in Eelville, and put down a deposit on a truly unique gift for
the old-time banjo player who means the most to you! An opportunity like
the one we're offering you doesn't show up every day!

[Disclaimer: I don't expect to make any money out of this.]

© 1994 Peter Langston