Fun_People Archive
23 Oct
Top Ten HTML Extensions that Did Not Make it Into Netscape 0.9 (*)

Date: Sun, 23 Oct 94 14:52:04 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Top Ten HTML Extensions that Did Not Make it Into Netscape 0.9 (*)

Forwarded-by: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
From: lemay@netcom.com (Killer of Trees)


Top Ten HTML Extensions that Did Not Make it Into Netscape 0.9 (*)


1.  <WIRED>...</WIRED>

Renders the enclosed text in Sturm und Drang 374 Medium Bold Condensed, 
in light purple on a neon orange background.  Tells you repeatedly
how cool you are for using netscape.  


2.  <ROACH>....</ROACH>

When selected, the enclosed text runs and hides under the nearest window.  
OR, giggles a lot and demands nachos, depending on your definition of
"roach." (the formal definition, of course, to be determined by the
Official Honorary Internet Standards Committee For Moving Really Slowly.)


3.  <KILL_SGML>

Should anyone foolish enough to think that HTML is still SGML and try and 
run a netscape-html document through an SGML editor, processor, or other 
tool, this tag causes an immediate core dump, erases anything on your 
disk with "DTD" in the name, and emails a randomly-selected insult to Tim 
Pierce.


4.  <PINHEAD>...</PINHEAD>

Inserts "zippyisms" into the enclosed text.  Perfect for those professional
documents.


5.  <SECRET>....</SECRET>

In order to read the enclosed text, you have to have secret spy decoder
glasses (available direct from Mcom for a reasonable fee).

You can also read it by holding your computer in front of a full moon 
during the autumn solstice.  


6. <HYPE>

Causes Marc Andreesen to magically appear and grant you an interview 
(whether you want one or not).

Please use this tag sparingly. 


7.  <PEEK>....</PEEK>
8.  <POKE>...</POKE>

So you want more control over screen layout in HTML?  Well, here ya go.


9. <YOGSOTHOTH>

Summons the elder gods to suck away your immortal soul.  Or Bill Gates, if 
the elder gods are busy.

Unpredictable (but amusing) results occur when the <YOGSOTHOTH> and
<HYPE> tags are used in close proximity.


10.  <BLINK>...</BLINK>

Causes the enclosed text to....

ooops, that one made it in.


(*) because they ran out of beer.

DISCLAIMER:  I'm not on anyone's side.  I have a 100.4 degree fever,
six chapters to write in 13 days, three hours sleep and way too
much blood in my cafeine stream.  I hate everyone.


Copyright (c) 1994 Laura Lemay.  Copy this without my name on it and I'll 
come to your house and make you read netscape documents using lynx.

-- 
*********************************************************
Laura Lemay                              lemay@netcom.com
goawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoaway
*********************************************************

© 1994 Peter Langston