Fun_People Archive
14 Sep
Bootlicking, Canadian style

Date: Wed, 14 Sep 94 22:16:38 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Bootlicking, Canadian style

Forwarded-by: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
Forwarded-by: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>

   CANADIAN GOVERNMENT STANDARDS ON "GROUP EJACULATION" AND "BOOTLICKING"

        -from _HOUR_, Apr.14/94
        as reprinted in _The Newsletter on Civil Liberties_ August 22/94

   In November, _Secret City_ revealed that the Canadian government has
standards on ejaculation.  The government had taken a stand on "excessive
ejaculation."

   _Secret City_ operative Harvey Blackman wrote a series of queries
asking the government to explain its policies regarding what ideas are
illegal to import into Canada.  By law, the government had to respond.

   _Secret City_ has discovered that not only does the Canadian
government police images or sentences depicting "excessive ejaculation",
it also has standards for "group ejaculation" and "bootlicking."

   The genuine memo for "group ejaculation" appears below.  It explains
that simultaneous ejaculation by two or more people on one person is an
illegal idea to import into Canada.

BOOTLICKING CANADIAN-SYLE

    The Canadian government also has a strict policy regarding
"bootlicking."  You are not allowed to import ideas or pictures into
Canada which depict "bootlicking in a sexual context."  According to
Canada Customs Notice N-198, depictions of "submissive acts such as the
licking of another person's boot in a sexual context" are not allowed
into the country.

    To help those who may be participating in illegal bootlicking or are
worried they may import a sentence into the country which contains an
illegal bootlicking description, _Secret City_ has provided both a legal
and an illegal bootlicking sentence.

A)  Illegal:  Reform Party leader Preston Manning lovingly licked Jean
Chretien's boots during question period.

B)  Bootlicking sentence which meets Canadian government standards:  As
he tortured him the dictator forced the prisoner to lick his boots.

---------------------------------
        Just thought you all should know.    :)

        I guess Customs decisions must depend on the context.
        "Is it going to glad day books?
        Oh, in that case it may be detained indefinitely at Customs."


Oh, and i'll also include the official government memo....

--------------------------------

||*||  Revenue Canada                           Revenu Canada
       Customs, Excise and Taxation             Accise, Douanes, et Impot
       Ottawa, Canada
       K1A 0LE

						March 17, 1994.


Mr. Harvey Blackman
<snip address>


Dear Mr. Blackman:


Thank you for you enquiry of December 8, 1993, in which you  request
further details as to the Department's interpretative policies with
respect to group ejaculation.  I apologize for the delay in responding.

Group ejaculation for Custom's purpose is interpreted as the simultaneous
ejaculation of two or more people on the body of another person.

I trust that this information is of assistance to you.

Sincerely,


Joel A. Oliver,
Director,
Prohibited Importations Directorate


cc: Michel Cleroux

© 1994 Peter Langston