Fun_People Archive
7 Sep
Why God didn't get tenure...

Date: Wed,  7 Sep 94 13:40:14 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Why God didn't get tenure...

[I sent this out once before (25 Nov 1992) but some Fun_People have joined
since that time, and it has been expanded; so ... -psl]

Forwarded-by: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: elan@ee.lbl.gov (Elan Amir)
Forwarded-by: mwwhite@econ.Berkeley.EDU (Matthew W. White)
Forwarded-by: "Alan Lamont" <alan.lamont@quickmail.llnl.gov>
Forwarded-by: Peggy Takahashi
From: "Bruce A. Heiman" <heiman@haas.berkeley.edu>

Why God never received tenure:

 1. He had only one major publication.
 2. It was in Hebrew.
 3. It had no references.
 4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
 5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he
    done since then?
 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
 8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
 9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human
    subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning
    the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the
    sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed
    his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.

© 1994 Peter Langston