Fun_People Archive
28 Aug
Some bon mots from News of the Weird of August 5, 1994

Date: Sun, 28 Aug 94 16:42:45 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Some bon mots from News of the Weird of August 5, 1994

Forwarded-by: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Excerpted From: News of the Weird, August 5, 1994
by Chuck Shepherd

* Jose Chavez, 24, on how he ascertained that a skull he had found in a
garbage can in Lennox, Calif., in May, was human:  "I bit it on the neck to
make sure it was real.  That's how you test things." [Los Angeles Times,
6-3-94]

* Drag-racing legend Big Daddy Don Garlits, a Republican candidate for a
Florida Congressional seat, interviewed by the Palm Beach Post and alleging
a government conspiracy to prepare the nation for an inevitable currency
devaluation:  "The government fears this is going to happen.  They're
smarter than we are.  They have access to the big computers." [Washington
Post, 6-13-94]

* Antony Van Zyl, confessed burglar of $10,000 worth of equipment from a
Rolling Meadows, Ill., museum and theater:  "I'm not a very good burglar.
I'm still trying to come to terms with my own stupidity." [The Star-Herald
(Belton, Mo.), 3-1-94; Chicago Tribune, 12-29-93]

* Judy Pruitt, 23, mother of six children by six different men, and who has
seen four of them taken away by Childrens Protective Services in her
hometown of Houston, Tex., was asked why she continues to have children.
Said Pruitt, "I have to keep replacing the ones they take." [Houston Post,
3-30-94]

* High Point, N. C., police officer Gordon Snaden, describing a patrol
call in July in which a man who had taken LSD had fled up a tree, naked:
"He was able to actualize himself up the tree but was not able to
actualize himself down the tree." [Wilmington Morning Star, 7-2-94]

* In April, according to the French news agency Agence
France-Presse, McDonald's Corporation threatened to take legal action
against a Melbourne, Australia, takeout food shop that features topless
female employees and which calls itself "McTits." [[South China Morning
Post-AFP, Apr94]]

Copyright 1994, Universal Press Syndicate.  All rights reserved.
Released for the personal use of readers.  No commercial use may
be made of the material or of the name News of the Weird.

© 1994 Peter Langston