Fun_People Archive
19 Aug
More Soviet Anecdotes

Date: Fri, 19 Aug 94 01:19:04 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: More Soviet Anecdotes

From: dss@ACM.ORG!fatkid (Daniel Steinberg)

While i was in the Ukraine (shortly after the breakup of the USSR), i
encountered a young man who was quite an enthusiastic re-teller of jokes.
We spent many long hours exchanging stories and a surprising number of
the ones he knew were familiar to me.  A couple, however, seemed to me to
be particularly Russian in sensibility.

-------------------


A passenger in an Aeroflot flight calls for the stewardess.  He is bandaged
from head to toe in white gauze.

"May i help you?" says the stewardess.

"Let me off this plane," he replies.

"Sir?  Our altitude is 30,000 feet.  We're about an hour from Moscow.
 Please sit back and try to relax.  We'll be landing shortly."

"No, i want to get off right now.  Open the door."

An argument ensues, in which the passenger becomes increasingly agitated.
The stewardess, unprepared for dealing with this situation, says,
"I'll have to speak with the pilot," and goes forward to the cockpit.

"Sir, there's a passenger back there who is demanding to be let off.
 I've tried reasoning with him and he is quite adamant.  What shall i do?"

"This gentleman, is he covered head to toe with bandages?"

"Why, yes."

"Well, then, let him go.  He always gets out here."


-----------------------------------


An angel in Heaven looks down on Earth and sees a world overrun with devils.
He appeals to God, saying, "Let me go to Earth and preach your Word.  Maybe
i can convert some of these devils."  God agrees to let him go for a week
to see what he can accomplish.

When he arrives on Earth, the angel is immediately surrounded by devils
who greet him as an old friend.  They whisk him off to a 5-star hotel,
check him into the largest suite, order a banquet, and throw a great party.
They wine and dine him, bring him to all the nightclubs, surround him with
dancing girls, and generally show him a good time.

The week passes very quickly, and he speaks to God on the last day, saying,
"Well, this is going to be much more difficult than i imagined.  I think
 i need some more time."

God agrees to let him spend another week.  At the end of the second week,
he realizes that he has failed in his mission, so he returns to Heaven.
For the next month he is miserable.  Finally he approaches God and says,
"I've been giving this a lot of thought and i've decided i would like
 to move to Earth.  I'm just not happy here anymore, and i'm prepared to
 face the consequences."

God says, "If that's what you really want, then go with my blessings.  But
I'm afraid you will not be permitted to return."

The angel packs his bags and returns to Earth.  When he arrives, the same
devils greet him.  But this time they grab him and tie his hands and throw
him into a vat of boiling oil.

"What are you doing?!" he cries.  "Don't you remember me, your pal?  We
 had such a good time together last month!"

"Yes, of course," the leader replies.  "But you must remember, my friend,
 that there is a difference between tourism and emigration."

© 1994 Peter Langston