Fun_People Archive
18 Jul
Another reason that being poor is a trap...

Date: Mon, 18 Jul 94 18:22:33 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Another reason that being poor is a trap...

Forwarded-by: pbs@tcs.com (Patti Smolian)
[Also forwarded by Henry Cate <cate3@netcom.com> and Baldy Sayings, 901
Arendell Street, Morehead City, NC 28557.]

Examples of unclear writing. Sentences taken from actual letters received by
the Local Welfare Department from applicants.

1.  I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children.  I have 7, but
one was baptized on half a sheet of paper.

2.  I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years
old.  When do I get my money?

3.  Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the
clergy regularly.

4.  I cannot get sick pay.  I have 6 children.  Can you tell me why?

5.  I am glad to report that my husband who was missing, is dead.

6.  This is my eighth child.  What are you going to do about it?

7.  Please find for certain if my husband is dead.  The man I now live with
can't eat or do anything until he knows.

8.  I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son as illiterate.
This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.

9.  In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds.
 I hope this is satisfactory.

10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which
is a mistake as you can see.

11. My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any
relief since.

12. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an
immortal life.

13. You have changed my little boy to a girl.  Will this make any difference?

14. I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day &
night.

15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the
enclosed envelope.

16. I want my money as quick as I can get it.  I've been in bed with the
doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good.
If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

© 1994 Peter Langston