Fun_People Archive
15 Jul
Commercial English from around the world

Date: Fri, 15 Jul 94 12:46:08 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Commercial English from around the world

[This list has been around for quite a while, but it remains the premier
collection of clue-challenged English signs... -psl]

Forwarded-by: elshaw@MIT.EDU (Libby Shaw)
Forwarded-by: "Sara J. Petty" <spetty@agames.com>
Forwarded-by: moriarity@gawd.agames.com (Patrice Moriarity)

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do
such thing please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that
you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter
more persons, each one should prss a number of wishing floor. Driving is
then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office betweem the hours of 9 and
11 AM daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattering of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from the Russian Orthodox Monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wine leaves you with nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish restaurant:
Salad are firms own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the
form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the
country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodos tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of
different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent
unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in
the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.?(Translations?, Cont)

In an advertsiement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czech tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for Donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride your own ass ?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special to day: no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktials for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to
the guard on duty.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the
long run.

>From a Japanese information booklet about using the hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and heates: if you want just condition of warm in your room, please
control yourself.

>From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle
him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorican shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching American.

© 1994 Peter Langston