Fun_People Archive
9 Jun
Hard Times All Over

Date: Thu,  9 Jun 94 13:39:57 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Hard Times All Over

Forwarded-by: cate3@netcom.com (Henry Cate)

	[Hard Times in the Soviet Union?]

One day a man walked into the fish store and demanded some meat. The clerk
replied "This is a fish store". The man again demanded meat and the clerk
again told him it was the fish store. The man threw a fit, demanding that
he be given some meat. Finally the exasperated clerk replied "You must go
across the street to the butcher's shop, THAT is where they have no meat."

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	[Hard Times in the Catholic Church?]

The pope received a call from God one day and God said, "I have some good
news and some bad news."

"Oh no," cried the pope, "I've really had a lousy day.  Can you give me the
good news first?"

"Well," said God, "I'd like you to know that everyone on earth is converting
to the one, true faith."

"That's wonderful!" cried the pope, "After news like that, the bad news can't
be all that bad.  What is it?"

God said, "I'm calling from Salt Lake City."

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	[Hard Times in Outer Space?]

ring.... ring....
* Hello?  K L M N Radio.
% Hello, I'd like to place an ad with your radio station, please.

* Oh fine. You must have heard that 99% of all homes and cars have radio.
% That's good, then all the Earthlings will get our message.

* "Earthlings" ?   Just where are you from?
% We're from the planet Thhoo-oo.

* Oh, I see.  And what did you want to say on radio ?
% We would like to announce our take-over of this planet.  You see, we
  conquered this planet hundreds of years ago, but no one took us seriously....
  Probably because we look like one of your more average species.

* And what species do you look like ?
% Pigeons, actually.

* Ha ha ha....
% See, I told you no one takes us seriously.

* Ok, Ok.... I'm not laughing anymore.  What is your message ?
% We just want to say, "Give us all your bread crumbs."

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	[Hard Times in the medicine biz?]

	A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOR FOR PATIENTS
 
1.  DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT.
Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose
valuable scientific objectivity.
 
2.  BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES.
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the
gentleness and reassurance he can get.
 
3.  TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED.
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to
uphold.
 
4.  DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF.
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight
into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any
mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
 
5.  NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT.
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be
explained in terms that you would understand.
 
6.  SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMANTAL TREATMENT READILY.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting
research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
 
7.  PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY.
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly,
to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
 
8.  DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your
means.
 
9.  NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT
    IN THE COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR.
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a
sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
 
10.  NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE.
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

© 1994 Peter Langston