Fun_People Archive
18 May
NOW they tell us!

Date: Wed, 18 May 94 17:46:49 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: NOW they tell us!

Forwarded-by: <joeha@microsoft.com>
From: WhiteBoard News for May 18, 1994

Beijing, China:

China's Disaster Reduction Press has printed a stern warning to men in
search of a new look: Beards are harmful to health and make you go bald.

"Growing a beard violates the requirements of hygiene," the official
newspaper said Monday.  "From a health perspective, beards are not
desirable."

The newspaper quoted scientists as saying facial hair attracts and traps
more chemical pollution such as benzene and ammonia from the atmosphere,
causing the unshaven to breathe dirtier air.

For every one unit of pollution normally taken in, mustache wearers may
breathe as much as 4.2 units, while those with beards breathe 1.9 units,
the newspaper said.

"Those with both mustaches and beards may breathe as much as 6.1 units,"
it said.  "Bearded smokers fare even worse."

For those still unwilling to shave, the newspaper provided an added
inducement: Beards cause baldness.

Quoting an unidentified French researcher, the Disaster Reduction Press
said beard growth inhibits the body's ability to shed excess heat:
"This makes the scalp too hot and affects the function of the brain.
To compensate, the body drops hair from the head to create baldness.

© 1994 Peter Langston