Fun_People Archive
14 Apr
Innocent Church Signs

Date: Thu, 14 Apr 94 16:48:18 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Innocent Church Signs

Forwarded-by: dante@microsoft.com
Forwarded-by: Ruediger Asche <ruediger@microsoft.com>

These are actual announcements taken from church bulletins around the country:

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of 
the church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.

* Tuesday at 4PM, there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies giving 
milk, please come early.

* Wednesday, the ladies Auxiliary Society will meet.  Mrs. Johnson will 
sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed", accompanied by the pastor.

* Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club.  
All those wishing to become little mothers please meet the minister  in 
his study.

* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward 
and lay an egg on the altar.

* On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expense 
of the new carpet.  All those wishing to do something on the new 
carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and 
they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

* A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement.  
Music will follow.

* Sign outside a Canadian church:  "Sermon for Sunday: What is Hell 
like?" Just below was the message: "Come in and hear our choir sing."

© 1994 Peter Langston