Fun_People Archive
23 Feb
Gay Muppets

Date: Wed, 23 Feb 94 15:04:46 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: Gay Muppets

<forwards removed, for some reason>

Beware the evil influence of dreaded homosexual Muppets!

   By Doug Robarchek
   (c) Feb. 14, 1994, Charlotte Observer

   The Rev. Joe Chambers of Charlotte, N.C., who is always ready to
denounce evil sex wherever he imagines it, says TV Muppets Bert and Ernie
are homosexuals.
   Chambers says the two share a bedroom and clothes, cook and vacation
together and are "effeminate." Well, hey, Joe, we can't all have that John
Wayne machismo like you've got, pal.
   See, Joe, there's something we've got to point out to you here. You see,
Bert and Ernie can't really be gay because - and we know this is a
difficult concept for you - they're PUPPETS! They aren't REAL! They don't
have any, uh ... well, they don't have any ... well, they're kind of like
you, Joe. Except they don't THINK about it all the time.
   Come on, Joe. If you can get your mind off it once in a while you won't
get so worked up.


   TO BERT, FROM ERNIE
   Oh Bertie, you are really grand,
   But your shirt has something up it;
   And that something looks like some guy's hand
   - It's lucky you're a Muppet.

   But there's nothing else beneath your shirt,
   You're sexless as a Hobbit;
   I fear that you are worse off, Bert,
   Than even John Wayne Bobbitt.

© 1994 Peter Langston