Fun_People Archive
15 Feb
Remove my name from your rooster!

Date: Tue, 15 Feb 94 01:48:55 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: Remove my name from your rooster!

 From: John Gilmore <gnu@cygnus.com>
 From: Jeffrey Osier <jeffrey@cygnus.com>
 From: Alastair Sutherland <stairs@microsoft.com>

Reprinted from The Lavender Network newspaper, February 1994.

"Remove my name from your rooster!"
The best of homophobic mail

by Kathleen DeBold and George Neighbors, Jr. (contributing writers)

One of the joys of working for a gay organization is the singular
pleasure we get from reading the daily dose of hate mail. We've
arranged our favorite snippets in a letter form so we could share
with you the best of Beavises and Buttheads of the biblically
impaired:

   "Dear Faggots, Dikes, Soddomites, Lissbians, and Queer Bates:
   I recently came across your address in a magazine I was reading and
a plea for donations to support your perversions caught my eye. Their
is no excuse for you. Your all sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick,
sick, sick, sick, sick. Gays are barf-inducing because you know what
they do in private. Sex organs are not very sanitarilly clean. Regard-
less of a man's ability as an artist, dress designer, or choreographer
(three favorite professions, I'm sure) the bottom line is that he
enjoys [a long, explicit and obliviously well-researched description
of gay male sex]. I'm sure that lesbians engage in similar disgusting
acts [no description: they still can't figure out what we do in bed!].
   Who is Barry Goldwater compared to God? Check the following versus
of scripture: Genises, Romens, Leviticals, and Profits. God created
Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. The Bible makes it clear that Jesus
preferred straight men. That is why God sent you Aides. In our day
Aids were helpers in the principals office.
   The homophiles are nothing short of a hatred spreading group that
has joined forces with the KKK, and the brown shirters and the anti-
semetics. Homos have no right to teach in our public schools. You
just want to pray on our children and lead them in a stray. There
isn't a homosexual alive who fought and died for his country like we
did.
   My wife is not a lesbian and neither is my son. I've never had sex
with a man and neither has my wife. I hope that your campaigning for
homosexuals is due to your being unknoweable rather than you thinking
the things they do are just `sexual preferance.' Keep your sexual
perversions to yourself and I'll keep my sexual perversions to myself.
   I also challenge the word "homophobic" as fear of hobosexuals. I'm
not homophobic--I have no fear of your type, only contempt. And now
you have homophobia to wave around just like the jews have anti-semenic.
So lets get rid of the word homophobia: How about "Homo-Blyiccch" (gag,
choke, vomit)? Sure, you can call me homophonic if you like but I know
what's right and what's wrong. When all you perverts are in hell it
will be a much better place.
   I am curious about how you got our name. I suppose that's a secret
you'll keep buried in your bosom. I do not encourage anyone likely to
place me on your mailing list to get more such weird offers. I demand
that you remove me from your rooster!
   [Signed]
   Satan
   Hell Fire Lane
   Hell, Inc."


As you can see, we have met the enemy, and they are illiterate.

© 1994 Peter Langston