Fun_People Archive
11 Nov
Athena Design Announces Psychic Tech Support Hotline

Date: Thu, 11 Nov 93 19:33:34 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: Athena Design Announces Psychic Tech Support Hotline

 From: leira@athena.com (Linda L. Julien)

Athena Design Announces Psychic Tech Support Hotline

Athena Design announces another way in which we can better serve our
customers' needs -- our new Psychic Technical Support Hotline.

Our staff of trained psychics have been studying the karmic ebb and flow of
technical support issues on the higher planes.  They have determined that,
in addition to being affected by the tides and the position of the moon and
planets, technical support issues are especially affected by cosmic rays
and sunspot activity.  One of our staff psychics states, "We've studied the
effects of sunspot activity on tech support questions for a period of time
now, and feel confident that we can accurately determine the answers to
questions based on our charts."  The director of the Psychic Support
Department has found that, "The same question will come up over and over in
a short period of time, as the karmic flow influences our customers'
hardware and software.  Recently, for example, we've had a number of
questions about absolute cell references.  The charts we're developing
predict that next week we will get a large number of questions about linking
worksheets."

Our trained psychics have researched these influences, and have created a
special tarot deck for use in technical support readings.  With the help of
this deck, our psychics will be able to give you technical support for Mesa,
even if you don't know what the problem is!  Once we've found the problem,
our psychics will be able to determine a solution and step you through it.

Our  Psychic Technical Support Hotline is available to all registered
commercial users of Mesa on Monday through Friday from 8:30am to 5:30pm
Eastern Time.  Just call 617.734.6372 and ask for Mesa Psychic Tech Support.

-----

Sample Reading

This is an actual transcript of a Psychic Technical Support call received
by one of our readers recently.  The names of the customers have been
changed for privacy reasons.

Reader: Hi, this is Psychic Tech Support.  How can I help you, John?

Customer: Hello.  I've got a problem here.  With Mesa.  It's not working
right.  Can you tell me what's wrong?

Reader: Ok.  Let me just lay out a reading, and we'll figure out the
problem... Ah, the reading starts with the King of Wells, crossed by the
Nine of Links.  I can see that you're very talented when it comes to
formatting worksheets, but you're feeling rather daunted by the amount of
data that you have to connect together with your current project.  The cards
are suggesting that you should try linking worksheets; I think you'll find
that will make the project a lot easier.  Are you familiar with that feature
of Mesa?

Customer: Yes, I am.  I hadn't considered using that for this problem
however.  I do have a really large amount of data.

Reader: Well, let's look a little further and see what we can determine.
At the root of the problem we have the card representing the Legal
Department.  My feeling here is that they're pushing you very hard to
represent all of this data in a specific manner.

Customer: Oh!  My boss did say I had to set things up in a certain way,
but I wasn't sure why...

Reader: The Legal Department Card is from the Major Arcana, so that
signifies that this issue isn't going to go away.  Moving into the recent
past, I see the Seven of Wells, reversed.  You're concerned that the things
they insist on might make it impossible for you to format your data in a
manner that you feel will be effective and pleasing to look at.
    Looking at the position of what might happen, I see the Ace of Disks,
reversed.  Disks represent Earth, or bringing things into a physical form,
using graphs and printed reports.  Since this card is reversed, it
represents that this project might never get off the ground -- it might fail
before it even gets started.  I think you need to look beyond the formatting
issues, and spend some more time working on linking worksheets.
    In the position of what will happen, I see the Page of Swords.  This
card represents becoming skilled in the use of complex formulas and Mesa's
MScript scripting language.  I think that in this case, scripting and
linking worksheets are very intimately related.  By mastering MScript, your
entire task will become easier to accomplish.

Customer: I haven't looked at MScript yet.  Do you think it will be useful?

Reader: Definitely.  Take a look at the MScript chapter in the User's Guide,
and I think you'll find all the information you need.
    Moving on to your hopes and dreams, we have the Two of Wells.  This
represents your hope that a coworker will help you with this project, and
that together you can find a way to balance the appropriate formatting with
the other requirements of the project.

Customer: Actually, I was hoping that my coworker, Susan, could help me with
this.  I know that she's worked on similar projects in the past, and they've
been pretty successful.

Reader: I think you're right about that.  I'd suggest that you talk to her
about it.
    The next card represents your environment, or, more specifically, how
your coworkers view you.  The card in this position is the Internet.  This
shows that your coworkers have a very high regard for you.  They believe in
your ability to successfully complete this project, and they also regard
you as having incredible resources and connections.  Since this card is from
the Major Arcana, I think that their assessment of you is correct.
    The next card in the spread represents your fears, and we have the Five
of Wells.  This represents your fear that you'll lose your freedom of
creativity while formatting this project, due to the restrictions that are
being put on you.  However, the card also shows that there are some
possibilities that you haven't even considered yet.  I'd advise that you
think about this some more -- you're not as limited as you think.  In
particular, take a look at Mesa's Drag & Drop colors, patterns, and fonts.
    The conclusion of this reading is the Seven of Links, reversed.  This
tells me that you might still find yourself overwhelmed by the large amount
of data that you need to link together, and that you might not be as
familiar with Mesa's worksheet linking features as you could be.  Let's open
up a new worksheet and step through some simple linking procedures, so that
we can be sure you're comfortable with the whole process...

© 1993 Peter Langston