Fun_People Archive
1 Nov
Another DataBase You Can't Live Without...

Date: Mon,  1 Nov 93 17:31:13 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: Another DataBase You Can't Live Without...

 From: duboff@bostech.com

If you're a fan of The Simpsons (and what right-thinking carbon-based
life form isn't?) you'll appreciate this compendium of what Bart actually
wrote on the chalkboard at the beginning of each episode:

I will not waste chalk
I will not aim for the head
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not burp in class
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I will not instigate revolution
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I will not conduct my own fire drills
I did not see Elvis
Funny noises are not funny
I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'
I will not snap bras
Garlic gum is not funny
I will not fake seizures
They are laughing at me, not with me
This punishment is not boring and meaningless
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not fake my way through life
I will not prescribe medication
Tar is not a plaything
I will not bury the new kid
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not teach others to fly
It's potato, not potatoe
I will not bring sheep to class
I will not trade pants with others
A burp is not an answer
I am not a 32 year old woman
Teacher is not a leper
I will not do that thing with my tongue
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not eat things for money
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
I will not sell school property
The principal's toupee is not a frisbee.
I will not cut corners
I will not squeak chalk
I will not get very far with this attitude.
Goldfish don't bounce
I will not make flatulent noises in class.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
I will not belch the National Anthem
No one is interested in my underpants.
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not sell miracle cures
I will not grease the monkey bars
Underwear should be worn on the inside
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
The Christmas pageant does not stink
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not show off
I will not carve gods
I will not sleep through my education
I will not spank others
I am not a dentist
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
Spitwads are not free speech.
I will finish what I start
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
High explosives and school don't mix
Hamsters cannot fly

© 1993 Peter Langston