Fun_People Archive
5 Sep
NOT Snydley Whiplash!!

Date: Sun,  5 Sep 93 20:36:29 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: NOT Snydley Whiplash!!

 From: Carol Marsh Hobday <72204.1404@CompuServe.COM>
 Subject: Life in America...

Gleanings from today's mail box --- hoo boy!

Seattle, August 23, 1993 -  Officer Barry Schuller of the
Seattle Police is probably wondering what this world is coming
to.  Barry is a cop, and if I might add; he's a damn good cop.
Barry was recently awarded "Officer of the Year" honors by his
superiors and his peers - no small accomplishment in a city the
size of Seattle.  Yep Barry is a good cop, but even the good
ones have bad weeks, I guess.

On Monday, Barry was placed on 3 day suspension pending an
investigation of what was reported as "questionable behavior".
Barry was appalled - he hadn't done anything questionable - he
hadn't stepped outside the bounds of his appointed tasks - he
hadn't done anything except do his job in the same way he had
been doing it all year - and that earned him Officer of the
Year honors.  Barry is a good cop.

Well it seems that our boy Barry saw fit to pull over a driver
a couple of weeks ago and write that fellow up for exceeding
the safe speed - a routine traffic violation.  You speed - you
get caught - the officer writes you a ticket - you pay.  Pretty
straight forward, you say.  Well guess again - it is not a
routine traffic violation when the driver of the car is none
other than that dastardly demon of the highways and byways -
Mr. William Gates - the wealthiest man in America.  No siree
Bob.  If Billy-boy wants to speed in Seattle, there is no law
on the books that can stop him and certainly no Officer of this
Year or any year that can write him up and make it stick.  Hey
- you don't get to be America's wealthiest man by paying every
darn traffic ticket you get now do you.  And when you get to be
America's wealthiest man and employ 1/2 of Seattle, you make
some friends in high places who can take care of little things
like speeding tickets and who can take care of other little
irritations like officers who write speeding tickets.  Makes
you wonder why Billy-boy hasn't been able to get that
impounded, street-illegal Porsche of his out of customs.  Of
course that was done during a Republican administration.  Maybe
Bill Clinton will be more forgiving - after all, they have the
same first name...

But back to Barry Schuller, decorated officer, family man, good
cop...what can this man be thinking.  He's dedicated himself to
a life of public service.  He's sworn to uphold the laws of the
nation and the city of Seattle.  The man wears KEVLAR, for
Christ's sake - and now some rich, coke-drinking, junk food
eating, can't-stand-still, post-adolescent, nerd-weenie might
just be costing him his career.  You have got to be kidding -
this is AMERICA, land of the free, home of the brave. Can Bill
Gates be - oh my - Above the Law.  Where the hell is Steven
Segal?  Where is Jean Claude Van Damme?  Where is Bruce Willis?
(Yippee Kiyay!) Where is Chuck Norris?  Where is CLINT
EASTWOOD!  Oh s--t, where's Jeffrey Dalmer when we need him?
This Gates guy is really scary.  He probably wanted
Schwartzenegger to lose in Terminator 2 cause the other guy was
more high tech and cause SGI went with NT...

We can only hope that the "investigation" into the questionable
behavior of Officer Schuller results in his complete and total
exoneration.  Bill Gates has gone too far this time - just too
damn far.  It was bad enough that Windows 3.0 barely worked at
all and that Windows 3.1 was 18 months behind schedule.  The
public can put up with the smoke and mirrors and more delays
with the delivery of Windows NT which also barely works.  But
Bill Gates has finally done it - he has struck a blow at the
very core of America.  The wealthiest man in the country is
trying to FIX a traffic ticket.  He's probably better off
trying to fix his Operating System; but no, Bill Gates is
trashing the life of a police officer in Seattle and by doing
so placing himself in the company of such villians as Sadam
Hussein, Lex Luthor, Dudley Nightshade and Snydley Whiplash.

© 1993 Peter Langston