Fun_People Archive
1 Jun
Fractured English, banjo dept.

Date: Tue,  1 Jun 93 14:47:27 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Fractured English, banjo dept.

 From: Rich Stillman x6135 <RSTILLMAN@HBS.HBS.HARVARD.EDU>

I came across the following example of the advertiser's craft on a
label pasted to the inside of an instrument at the local antique
instrument shop. The instrument claims to be a banjo, although it
looks more like the unfortunate result of a collision between a
mountain dulcimer and a typewriter. The instrument is all wood,
finished in black paint and has "Japan Music" written in gilt on the
outside. My best guess is that it was made sometime between 1920 and
1960. It has seven strings, six of which are identical and cover a
>total< of about an inch of width. There are a number of typewriter-
style keys with labels like "5#" which, when struck, hit all seven
strings simultaneously and produce a sound very much like dropping a
bowling ball in a piano, only much quieter. The instrument has thus
far defied all attempts to tune or play it. The greatest entertainment
has come from reading the label inside the soundhole. I reproduce it
here with every spelling error and comma in place. The address at the
bottom is legitimate, in case you decide you want to order your own.

                Special Quality Banjo

	Best quality of excellent material, assured,
	most attractive latest design, will finished,
	matchlessly beautiful, sweetness tunes unique,
	most, carefully inspected, minutely tested and
	easiest of all the musical instruments to learn
	and to play upon Peerlessly harmonious specially
	suitable for Cinema tunes, English Indian Modern,
	Oriental Ballads lyrics, and all types of melodies
	can be enjoyed upon this Banjo.

               LAXMI TON MUSICAL HOUSE
                190, Khetwadi, 12 Lane
                      BOMBAY 4.

Of course, I have no connection with the above company, except as a
satisfied customer. ;-)

Now that's a banjo! If I could only find me some English Indian Modern
tablature...

© 1993 Peter Langston