Fun_People Archive
4 May
And you thought "ghoti" was confusing!

Date: Tue,  4 May 93 19:41:58 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: And you thought "ghoti" was confusing!

 From: dss@Eng.Sun.COM (Daniel Steinberg)
 From an English spelling proposal attributed to Mark Twain:

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In Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by
"k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.  The
only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which
will be dealt with later.  Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which"
and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y"
replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for
all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5
doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing
vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou,
it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and
"x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais
"ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl,
kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
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[For those who don't already know, proposing that "fish" be spelled g-h-o-t-i
was G.B. Shaw's way of ridiculing English spelling -- using the "gh" from
"cough," the "o" from "women," and the "ti" from "motion."  -psl]

© 1993 Peter Langston