Fun_People Archive
21 Apr
Wacky Waco Awards

Date: Wed, 21 Apr 93 16:58:10 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Wacky Waco Awards

 From: <pep@research.att.com>
 From: schaefer@hri.com (Rich Schaefer)
 From: mdf@midnight.com (Mike Fleischner)
 From: topher@witchcraft.com (Topher Heigham)

Well, now that the Waco Wackos have gone out in a media wet dream, it's time
for the awards.  Pay no heed to the 300-pound Police Chief openly necking
with his 295-pound wife in the back row.

BEST ALTERNATIVE STRATEGY

My bass teacher, Jeremy, for suggesting that the FBI's hostage negotation
team be replaced by a team of Televangelists.  Imagine Oral, Falwell, and
Billy doing dueling Bibles with Koresh!  Although I can picture Swaggart
saying, "So you tell 'em that if you fuck their wives and daughters, they'll
better off because YOU'RE the sinner?!  Damn!  And I've been PAYING for it!"

BEST FBI STRATEGY

Trashing Koresh's car (I didn't know Jesus drove a souped-up black Camaro).

BEST LINE

A tie between Herb Caen:  

	"David Koresh is hardly the first rock guitarist to announce he's
	Jesus Christ."

and the FBI hostage negotiator who took Koresh's expletive-filled call
when the Camaro was being trashed:

	"That doesn't sound very Jesus-like."

© 1993 Peter Langston