Fun_People Archive
20 Mar
Jesus & Elvis

Date: Sat, 20 Mar 93 14:35:32 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: Jesus & Elvis

 From: yost <yost@mv.us.adobe.com>
 From: "some guy"

[I knew that biblical scholars have been trying for years to understand the
relationship between these two focal points of western religious inspiration,
but I didn't know that they had been able to amass such an incredible body of
evidence for ... well, perhaps I should just let you be the judge... -psl]

 Some thoughts on Jesus and Elvis:
 ---------------------------------

Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor."  (Matthew 22:39)
Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
 
Jesus is the Lords's shepherd.
Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
 
Jesus was part of the Trinity.
Elvis' first band was a trio.
 
Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
 
Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
 
Jesus was resurrected.
Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
 
Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John  7:37)
Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
 
Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e.g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)
 
Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
 
Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel According to  Matthew)
Neil Matthews was one of Elvis' many biographers. (Elvis: A Golden Tribute)
 
"[Jesus] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow."
        (Matthew 28:3)
Elvis wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightening bolts.
 
Jesus lived in state of grace in a Near Eastern land.
Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.
 
Mary, an important woman in Jesus' life, had an Immaculate Conception.
Priscilla, an important woman in Elvis' life, went to Immaculate Conception
        High School.
 
Jesus was first and foremost the Son of God.
Elvis first recorded with Sun Studios, which today are still
        considered to be his foremost recordings.
 
Jesus was the lamb of God.
Elvis had mutton chop sideburns.
 
Jesus' Father is everywhere.
Elvis' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
 
Jesus was a carpenter.
Elvis' favorite high school class was wood shop.
 
Jesus wore a crown of thorns.
Elvis wore Royal Crown hair styler.
 
Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters.
Elvis Presley has 12 letters.
 
No one knows what the "H" in "Jesus H. Christ" stood for.
No one was really sure if Elvis' middle name was "Aron" or "Aaron".
 
Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone."
Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.

© 1993 Peter Langston