Fun_People Archive
18 Mar
Charismatic cult leader in tense standoff 

Date: Thu, 18 Mar 93 02:57:01 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: Charismatic cult leader in tense standoff

 From: <pep@research.att.com>
 From: casey@gauss.llnl.gov (Casey Leedom)
 From: Peter Wayner <pcw@access>

Redwood City, CA (API) -- A tense stand-off entered its third week  
today as authorities reported no progress in negotiations with  
charismatic cult leader Steve Jobs.

Negotiators are uncertain of the situation inside the compound, but  
some reports suggest that half of the hundreds of followers inside  
have been terminated.  Others claim to be staying of their own free  
will, but Jobs' persuasive manner makes this hard to confirm.

In conversations with authorities, Jobs has given conflicting  
information on how heavily prepared the group is for war with the  
industry.  At times, he has claimed to "have hardware which will blow  
anything else away", while more recently he claims they have stopped  
manufacturing their own.

Agents from the ATF (Apple-Taligent Forces) believe that the group is  
equipped with serious hardware, including 486-caliber pieces and  
possibly Canon equipment.

The siege has attracted a variety of spectators, from the curious to  
other cultists.  Some have offered to intercede in negotiations,  
including a young man who will identify himself only as "Bill" and  
claims to be the "MS-iah".

Former members of the cult, some only recently deprogrammed, speak  
hesitantly of their former lives, including being forced to work  
20-hour days, and subsisting on Jolt and Twinkies.  There were  
frequent lectures in which they were indoctrinated into a theory of  
"interpersonal computing" which rejects traditional roles.

Late-night vigils on Chesapeake Drive are taking their toll on  
federal marshals.  Loud rock and roll, mostly Talking Heads, blares  
throughout the night.  Some fear that Jobs will fulfill his own  
apocalyptic prophecies, a worry reinforced when the loudspeakers  
carry Jobs' own speeches -- typically beginning with a chilling "I  
want to welcome you to the 'Next World' ".
[=] © 1993 Peter Langston []