Fun_People Archive
6 Jan
New Virus alert

Date: Wed,  6 Jan 93 16:45:27 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: New Virus alert 

 From: "S. Marc Cohen" <smcohen@u.washington.edu>
 From: Robert Morris <ram@claude.cs.umb.edu>
 From: Elizabeth Schwartz <betsys@ra.cs.umb.edu>
 From: "Mark Schlepphorst" <mark@Cayman.COM>

This just in:

Alert --

NEW VIRUSES:

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:  Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:  Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:  Divides your hard drive into hundreds of
little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which
claim to be the most important part of the computer.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS:  This revolutionary virus does not horse around.  It
warns you of impending hard disk attack---once by LAN.  Twice if by C:.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:  Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS:  Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
how old it is.  If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first
see a counselor about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS:  Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:  It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:  Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS:  Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
are getting.

THE MCI VIRUS:  Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying
too much for the AT&T virus.

TED TURNER VIRUS:  Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGGER VIRUS:  Terminates and stays resident.  It'll be
back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:  Prevents you system from spawning any child processes
without joining into a binary network.

GALLUP VIRUS:  Sixy percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of
their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
error).

© 1993 Peter Langston