Throw Another Barbie at the Shrimp
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 92 17:28:32 PDT
Subject: Throw Another Barbie at the Shrimp
From: elvis@swim2birds (Emperor of Frozen Yogurt)
[I apologize to anyone receiving this for the second (or greater) time -psl]
(API) At a press conference given today, a spokespersonman for the
Mattell, Inc. Corporation denied sweatily the allegations that the
recently released "Teen Talk Barbie" doll reinforced stereotypes that
girls are not as adept at mathematics as boys. The company had been
the recipient of a public outcry when it was learned that one of the
doll's four spoken phrases was "Math class is hard."
"We categorically deny these accusations," said the Mattell
representative. "By 'categorically', I mean that we place these
charges in the set of denied statements, a set which is not the null
set--not that many of you gal reporters know what I mean." Reading
from a prepared statement, Mattell's spokesthing added, "We at Mattell,
Inc. are shocked and chagrined by the irresponsible statements made by
members of the so-called 'public' regarding Teen Talk Barbie. We feel
that Teen Talk Barbie serves as a wonderful role model for today's
girls, as she is even smaller than Camille Paglia and has no
reproductive organs--the perfect 90s Kind of Girl."
"You may not agree with the statement 'Math class is hard,'" said the
spokeswheel, "but teen girls DO say that sort of thing. Why, the other
day my own daughter was at home, crying over her acne, and that's why
we decided to come out with Horribly Unpopular Self-Loathing Barbie."
Added the representative, "And some people would call even that a
Mattell pointed out that the company had tried and rejected a number of
phrases before settling on the eventual final four. The other
sentences that Teen Talk Barbie (whose measurements, if she were
life-size, would be a stylish 212-0-186) utters are:
"Why should I study? Ken's going to be a doctor."
"Oh my gosh, look at the time! I've got to go binge and
"You want that with fries?"
Company spokespeople later added that they had used an actual
female consultant in selecting their phrases, a Mrs. Nancy Reagan,
who was described as a famous macroencephalic ex-First Lady.
Mattell denied that the furor over Teen Talk Barbie had anything to do
with the delay in releasing the two newest additions to the Barbie doll
line--Klaus Barbie and her friend Krystal Nacht.
Klaus Barbie is presently only being sold in Argentina.
© 1992 Peter Langston