My General Disclaimer

DISCLAIMER: Any text on my pages (hereafter referred to as "the jokes") does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of myself, my company, my friends, or my cats + Don't quote me on that + Don't quote me on anything without proper credit + All rights reserved + The jokes are copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute them and all their associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from them or include them in commercial publications without giving me some (some of what you're getting), or at least getting written permission from the President or, in the event of Presidential illiteracy, from me directly + Other copyright laws for specific jokes apply wherever noted + Jokes are subject to change without notice + Jokes are slightly enlarged to show detail + Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is merely fortuitous + For best results, avoid doing anything stupid. + Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat + Jokes in mirror are funnier than they appear + Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle + Your mileage may vary + No substitutions allowed + For a limited time only + Jokes are sold by weight, not volume + Some settling may occur during shipping + This humorous offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted + Humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied + User assumes full liabilities + Not liable for damages due to use or misuse + An equal opportunity joke employer + No shoes, no shirt, no jokes + Quantities are limited while supplies last + If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center + Caveat emptor + Read at your own risk + Parental advisory - explicit lyrics, concepts, ideas + Text may contain jokes some readers may find objectionable + Prenatal guidance is advised + Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children + Limit one-per-family or so, please + No money down + No purchase necessary + You need not be prescient to win + Some assembly required + Batteries are not included + Action figures sold separately + No preservatives added + Safety goggles may be required during use + Sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken + Call before you dig + For external use only + If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use + Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place + Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes + Use only with adequate ventilation + Avoid contact with mucous membranes + Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit + Do not place near flammable or magnetic source + Smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health + The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh + Text used in these jokes is made from 100% recycled letters + No animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes + No salt, MSG, artificial color, or artificial flavor added + If ingested, do not induce vomiting + If symptoms persist, consult a humorologist + Jokes are ribbed for your pleasure + Slippery when wet + Possible penalties for early withdrawal + Joke offer valid only at participating E-mail or Web sites + Slightly higher west of the Rockies + Some material may be suitable for adults + Allow four to six weeks for delivery + Disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in the joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, or flying projectiles + Other restrictions may apply +

In summary: if something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.
Thanks go to: Gabriel Charles Debarr (author of the original joke disclaimer)
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