The Comedian's Eye View of 9/16/97
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 97 16:58:06 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 9/16/97
Tuesday, September 16, 1997
"Thirty-three new hit shows to replace last year's 33 new hit shows.
Shouldn't they really replace 33 executives?"
- Jim Mullen on the new TV season
CBS' Mike Wallace signed a new 4 year contract with 60 minutes that will
have him working until he's 83. As a safety precaution, Ed Bradley will
handle any interviews with Dr. Kevorkian. (Jim Rosenberg To see ALL of Jim's
jokes, write him at: <firstname.lastname@example.org>)
Michael Jackson admitted selling pictures of his baby to the National
Enquirer, but he says he's not worried about the child's privacy -- he and
the baby get a new face every five years anyway. (Jim Rosenberg)
Larry King is a husband again, but watch out Shawn. Right about now, he
should be getting his "7 day itch." (Jim Rosenberg
Packed house at the Emmys! Apparently, CBS had to give out over 100 tickets
to people claiming to be the children of Bill Cosby. (Jim Rosenberg)
Apparently Mother Teresa and Princess Diana arrived at the Pearly Gates
simultaneously (as both wanted to stick around earth to see the big
funeral). They were greeted by Saint Peter. Princess Diana, having departed
first, started to walk into the gates of heaven first.... Saint Peter
stopped her, and said Mother Teresa should go first. Diana said, but why?
I died first. And Saint Peter says "well, its because you're second to nun.
"In the wake of Princess Diana's death, congressman Sonny Bono is proposing
legislation to regulate press coverage of celebrities. Even so, the
paparazzi stay they still won't cover Bono even if a law says they must."
"The ratings were so spectacular for the coverage of Princess Diana's death
that Time Warner has announced it is launching "FTV" -- the Funeral Channel
with anchors Abe Vigoda and Anna Nicole Smith." (Rosenberg)
"Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" tribute to Princess Diana has been so
successful that he is considering a tribute to the Queen, a modification of
the 'The Bitch is Back.'" (Rosenberg)
"JESSE HELMS SAYS "NO-WAY" TO BILL WELDS BID FOR AMBASSADOR TO MEXICO, AND
WELD SAYS "ILL NEVER GIVE UP TRYING": Like prize-fighters both have been
working out non stop. Helms has spent the past two week with his head in
the sand and Weld is in North Carolina learning how to blow-smoke." (Bill
"Jesse Helms is blocking William Weld's nomination as ambassador to Mexico.
It's the classic case of two Republicans from different eras. Weld from
the Bush era. Helms from the Jurassic era." (Alan Ray)
© 1997 Peter Langston