Fun_People Archive
24 Jan
Pagan Lightbulb Jokes

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 24 Jan 97 19:58:51 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Pagan Lightbulb Jokes

[This will take a little imagination unless you're really up on pagan  
cults... -psl]

Forwarded-by: Eric Steese <ecscc@olywa.net>
Forwarded-by: kgreene@olywa.net wrote:
Forwarded-by: Karin Feddersen <thelema@nameless.com>
Forwarded-by: Paul Bingman <paul@edgewood.net>


   ***  A Collection of Various Pagan Lightbulb Jokes  ***


* How many Druid's does it take to change a lightbulb?
 (+) 501.  One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.

* How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!
 (+) Go ask your own grandmother!

* How many Astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) "Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"

* How many Pagans does it take to change a lightbulb?
 (+) Six.  One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that
     lightbulbs never burned out before those Christians came along.

* How many Gardernians does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Sorry, that's a Third Degree secret.
 (+) (In a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know...  initiate?"

* How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Dunno - we haven't looked it up in the Gardnerian Book Of Shadows yet.
 (+) 13. One High Priestess to change the bulb, and 12 to hold her up under
     all that jewelry.
 (+) "Let's go see how the Gardnerians do it!"

* How many Brit Trad Wiccans does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) 13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.

* How many Dianic Lesbian Witches does it take to...
 (+) THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

* How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) 93.
 (+) None - Thelemites embrace the dark as well as the light.
 (+) None - real Thelemites aren't afraid of the dark.

* How many Starhawk Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) (plaintively) "There are starving villages in Africa that don't
     even HAVE light bulbs..."

* How many solitary witches does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) (if they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them
     as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)

* How many Frost "School of Wicca" Witches does it take to change a light
bulb?
 (+) "Just you!  That's right, YOU!  And for only $195 we'll send you our
     complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real
     knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere!  Listen
     to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."

* How many Erisians does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) "How many have we got?"

* How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 (+) Five Tons.

* How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 (+) Four.  One for each direction.

* How many members of IOT does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
 (+) Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.

* How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) I can't tell you--we never change a light bulb the same way twice!

* How many Buckland Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) "Refer to my second book, 'Practical Light Bulb Changing', by Raymond
     Buckland..."

* How many ADF druids does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Six.  One to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better
     the old bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second
     Druid's song.

* How many Shamans does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) None.  They just change shape into a cat or bat, and can see in the dark.

* How many Tantrics does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) 2, as long as the lamp is by the bed...

* How many Ceremonial Magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) One.  They hold it up, and the world revolves around them. (I know one
     of these; it's true!)
 (+) Only one, but he has to do it on the 3rd friday of a month when the
     Moon is in Taurus and it's the fifth planetary hour... and it's *not*
     funny

* How many new-agers does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) (in a flaky voice) We don't use light bulbs, we just think happy
     thoughts at our quartz crystals and they glow.

* How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Into what?

* How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.

* How many Tauruses does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) What, me move?

* How many Geminis does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) II

* How many Cancers does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Only one, but he has to bring his mother.

* How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) A dozen.  One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.

* How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Five.  One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb,
  one to install, and two engineers to check the work.

* How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.

* How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) None.  They LIKE the dark.

* How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.

* How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) The light's fine as it is.

* How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) What light bulb?

* How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
 (+) Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?

© 1997 Peter Langston