Fun_People Archive
29 Oct
A Few Quotes for Ronnie's Birthday

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 29 Oct 96 11:19:39 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: A Few Quotes for Ronnie's Birthday

Forwarded-by: Eric Steese <ecscc@olywa.net>
Forwarded-by: Margaret Canavan

You always write it's bombing, bombing, bombing. It's not bombing, it's air
support.
 -- Air Force Colonel David Opfer, complaining to reporters about their
coverage of the Vietnam War.

Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life.
 -- Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah.

Don't be humble. You're not that great.
 --Golda Meir

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by resorting
to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or
chemistry.
 -- H. L. Mencken

We may be finding that in some blacks when the choke hold is applied, the
veins or arteries do not open up like in normal people.
 -- Daryl Gates, former L.A. police chief and complete idiot.

I'm not against the blacks, and a lot of the good blacks will attest to
that.
 -- Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona

Honest businessmen should be protected from the unscrupulous consumer.
 -- Lester Maddox, then governer of Georgia, on why his state should not
 create a consumer protection agency.

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country.
 -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

I did what any normal person would do at that age. You call home. You call
home to mother and father and say, "I'd like to get into the National Guard."
 -- Dan Quayle, vice-presidential hopeful, defending his National Guard
service during the Vietnam War.

Casual drug users should be taken out and shot.
 -- Daryl Gates, Asshole Deluxe.

I didn't inhale.
 -- Presidential candidate Bill Clinton

Who ever heard of Casablanca? I don't want to star opposite some unknown
Swedish broad.
 -- George Raft, on the role of Rick in Casablanca.

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more
certain they are their own.
 -- Aristotle

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy.
But that could change.
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle

I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue.
 -- Richard Nixon, discussing Watergate in 1978

A woman, occasionally, is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.
 -- Karl Kraus

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
life.
 -- Brooke Shields, on why she wanted to become spokesperson for a federal
 antismoking campaign.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry
than your life.
 -- Jackie Mason

Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?
-- Marilyn Monroe, after being served matzoball soup three meals in a row.

My work is done, why wait?
 -- Suicide note of Kodak founder George Eastman

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that some men should be
happier than others.
 -- Oscar Wilde

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
 -- Helen Rowland

I love California. I grew up in Phoenix.
 --Vice-President Dan Quayle

Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
 -- Lenny Bruce

Bite the wax tadpole.
 -- Coca-Cola name as originally translated into Chinese (later changed to
 "May the mouth rejoice").

Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.
 -- Ad slogan "Pepsi comes alive" as initially translated into Chinese.

If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war.
 -- Senior Pentagon official, explaining why the U.S. military censored
footage showing Iraqi soldiers sliced in two by U.S. helicopter fire.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
 -- Last words of Union commander General John Sedgwick, spoken as he was
 watching enemy troops at the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House.

Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something
else anyway.
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on Chlordane.

I have no weakness for shoes. I wear very simple shoes which are pump shoes.
It is not one of my weaknesses.
 -- Imelda Marcos, owner of 3,400 pairs of shoes.

Facts are stupid things.
 -- Ronald Reagan

Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years, with time
off for good behavior?
 -- New York Senator James H. Donovan commenting on capital punishment.

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
 -- General William Westmoreland on why the media should be controlled in
 wartime.

I stand by all the misstatements.
 -- Dan Quayle, then vice-presidential hopeful, defending his verbal gaffes.

© 1996 Peter Langston