A Few Quotes for Ronnie's Birthday
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 29 Oct 96 11:19:39 -0800
Subject: A Few Quotes for Ronnie's Birthday
Forwarded-by: Eric Steese <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: Margaret Canavan
You always write it's bombing, bombing, bombing. It's not bombing, it's air
-- Air Force Colonel David Opfer, complaining to reporters about their
coverage of the Vietnam War.
Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life.
-- Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah.
Don't be humble. You're not that great.
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by resorting
to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or
-- H. L. Mencken
We may be finding that in some blacks when the choke hold is applied, the
veins or arteries do not open up like in normal people.
-- Daryl Gates, former L.A. police chief and complete idiot.
I'm not against the blacks, and a lot of the good blacks will attest to
-- Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona
Honest businessmen should be protected from the unscrupulous consumer.
-- Lester Maddox, then governer of Georgia, on why his state should not
create a consumer protection agency.
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
I did what any normal person would do at that age. You call home. You call
home to mother and father and say, "I'd like to get into the National Guard."
-- Dan Quayle, vice-presidential hopeful, defending his National Guard
service during the Vietnam War.
Casual drug users should be taken out and shot.
-- Daryl Gates, Asshole Deluxe.
I didn't inhale.
-- Presidential candidate Bill Clinton
Who ever heard of Casablanca? I don't want to star opposite some unknown
-- George Raft, on the role of Rick in Casablanca.
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more
certain they are their own.
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy.
But that could change.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle
I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue.
-- Richard Nixon, discussing Watergate in 1978
A woman, occasionally, is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.
-- Karl Kraus
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
-- Brooke Shields, on why she wanted to become spokesperson for a federal
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry
than your life.
-- Jackie Mason
Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?
-- Marilyn Monroe, after being served matzoball soup three meals in a row.
My work is done, why wait?
-- Suicide note of Kodak founder George Eastman
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that some men should be
happier than others.
-- Oscar Wilde
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
-- Helen Rowland
I love California. I grew up in Phoenix.
--Vice-President Dan Quayle
Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
-- Lenny Bruce
Bite the wax tadpole.
-- Coca-Cola name as originally translated into Chinese (later changed to
"May the mouth rejoice").
Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.
-- Ad slogan "Pepsi comes alive" as initially translated into Chinese.
If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war.
-- Senior Pentagon official, explaining why the U.S. military censored
footage showing Iraqi soldiers sliced in two by U.S. helicopter fire.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
-- Last words of Union commander General John Sedgwick, spoken as he was
watching enemy troops at the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House.
Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on Chlordane.
I have no weakness for shoes. I wear very simple shoes which are pump shoes.
It is not one of my weaknesses.
-- Imelda Marcos, owner of 3,400 pairs of shoes.
Facts are stupid things.
-- Ronald Reagan
Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years, with time
off for good behavior?
-- New York Senator James H. Donovan commenting on capital punishment.
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
-- General William Westmoreland on why the media should be controlled in
I stand by all the misstatements.
-- Dan Quayle, then vice-presidential hopeful, defending his verbal gaffes.
© 1996 Peter Langston