The Comedian's Eye View from 10/25/96
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 96 09:39:23 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 10/25/96
Excerpted-from: 10/25/96 -- ShopTalk
Friday October 25, 1996
"On the seventh day, God rested. He kicked off his shoes, opened a can of
Budweiser and slumped on the couch to watch TV. Since it was the Sabbath,
he thought he ought to watch something religious. And there was the Reverend
(Bill) Moyers... God watched and scowled and grumbled. 'They're leaving out
some of my best stuff. What about my creating the whole damn world? -- Just
like the media -- pass up the good news and zero in on the screwups.' ...
God zapped over to the American Movie Classics and caught Charlton Heston
in 'The Ten Commandments.' Now that's religion,' he sighed."
From a review of Bill Moyers' new PBS series,
"Genesis: A Living Conversation," by Raymond Schroth,
a Jesuit priest, in the National Catholic Reporter
At the ooold baall gaaaame: The Yankees just aren't looking that good in
the World Series, says Hy Faber. "Last night one player went to scratch
himself and missed."
He adds, "Braves left fielder Andruw Jones is going to use his World Series
bonus to buy a vowel."
The NFL is considering bringing back instant replay, but Jay Leno hears that
the New York Jets are among the teams against it. "Well, you can understand
that," says Leno. "If you're a New York Jet, the last thing you want to
see is one of your plays over again."
In the news: Bob Dole met with GOP governors this week and got some candid
campaign advice, says Argus Hamilton. "They told him to put women and
children first. Not on the agenda, but in the lifeboats."
President Clinton believes you don't have to fool all of the people all of
the time, says Charlie Rienke. "Only on election day will do."
A new study says 18.7 million kids have access to the Internet. Says the
Cutler Daily Scoop, "They're the new generation for Mousekeeters."
Lousy weather snarled air traffic and closed JFK and Dallas-Fort Worth
airports. Says Hamilton, "Stranded passengers ran out of money paying
airport food prices. They greeted arriving flight attendants with cardboard
signs reading 'Will work for peanuts.'"
The US Postal Service unveiled its new Hanukkah stamp. Says Jenny Church,
"Use one and it will take eight days for your letter to arrive."
A Las Vegas deputy district attorney, stopped by a cop, was found to have
cocaine and a prostitute in his car. Says Gary Easley, "He was let go after
he promised not to bill overtime for taking his work home with him."
England has a new law making pants a required part of the uniform for female
police officers. Says Steve Voldseth, "Now, if they could just make that
law apply to members of the royal family..."
A National Enquirer poll named Prince William as the world's most eligible
bachelor. Says Hamilton, "That doesn't say much for the current crop of
men. Apparently, women think a 14-year-old boy will grow up before the rest
of us do."
© 1996 Peter Langston