Fun_People Archive
31 Aug
Star Trek - The first page (of the script)

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 31 Aug 96 09:26:02 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Star Trek - The first page (of the script)

Forwarded-by: Jascha Franklin-Hodge <JoeShmoe@Misty.com>
Author: Ryan D. Mathews
Collector: Chuan K. Chee
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[Scene opens with the end of "Best of Both Worlds"]

RIKER: FIRE!!

TROI: My, God, you're right! Data's hair *is* on fire! Get the exitinguisher!

DATA: I must be thinking too hard.

LOCUTIOUS: We demand that you turn over the ship to us! We--we NO!!! I'm not
"Pussy Picard" anymore! I'm bad! I'm mean! I once punched a Ferengi and got
laid in THE SAME EPISODE! And I will not be the foil to a bunch of tin-plated
dictators! (Get it? Tin-plated?) Author! Knock off this "Locutious" crap!
[Sorry about that.]

PICARD: That's more like it!

BORG VOICE: The Locutious Unit is malfunctioning. Restrain it!

PICARD: Like hell! Yah! Hi-yo!

[The Borged-up Picard tears through Borg like Bruce Li through evil kung-fu
shills.]

BORG VOICE: Enough! We shall distract Locutious by threatening his friends.

[Cut to the bridge where the entire crew is watching. They quickly hide the
popcorn. Suddenly Borgs materialize around them. Riker grabs a phaser and
shoots, hitting the wall. That bitch that wants his job grabs her phaser
and annihilates three Borgs.]

WHATSHERFACE-THE-BITCH: Hah! Beat that, Wimpy! That's why I'm going to be
Number One and you're just a big zero.

[Riker vaporizes her]

RIKER: Oops! I guess my aim *is* a bit off! Better take more target practice,
heh, heh!

...

© 1996 Peter Langston