Fun_People Archive
15 Jul
The Comedian's Eye View from 7/16/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 15 Jul 96 19:18:44 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 7/16/96

Excerpted-from: 7/16/96 -- ShopTalk

In the news: Tom Hanks faces a "Raging Bull" type challenge before he can
portray the president of the United States on screen, says Michael X.
Ferraro. "Robert De Niro gained 70 pounds to play the boxer, and Hanks is
going to have to drop 40 points in the popularity polls to play the
president."

Bob Dole said the head of the NAACP "tried to set him up" by inviting him
to address the group.  Says Alex Pearlstein, "Probably not the most prudent
thing to say in an election year.  Sort of makes you wonder who's at the
Helms of his campaign..."

A report shows a record 27% of college students drop out after their first
year:

"It's easy to spot the potential dropouts. They're the ones who turn in
their class assignments on an Etch-A-Sketch."  (Bob Mills)

"The government's trying to think of a way to do something about this.  Duh!
How about bringing back the draft?  I spent nine years in college." (Jay
Leno)

"Not attending class is tough on a 19-year-old.  He keeps being mistaken
for a football player." (Alan Ray)

The LA City Council agreed to legalize home-based businesses.  Says Art
Montag, "The decision was hailed by Heidi Fleiss."

New York City is considering a 10pm curfew for teenagers.  Says Rudolph
Cecera, "It seems the muggers are afraid to go out at night."

Star-struck: Actor Harry Morgan, 81, was charged with spousal abuse in
Brentwood.  Says Hy Faber, "This time the arthritis defense may hold up."

Adds Premiere Morning Sickness, "Asked what he thought of the incident, the
former 'Dragnet' star said it was dumb-de-dumb-dumb."

The Surgeon General's Office says Americans' lack of exercise is a nationwide
problem.  Says Alan Ray, "They didn't name the cause--but they're planning
a 12-hour TV marathon to discuss the issue."

© 1996 Peter Langston